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EXCERPT FROM THE BOOK:
MOST PEOPLE TALK BULLSHIT
- One Primate's Search For Intelligent Life
Who’s Alpha Now
Summer was coming and I was glad to for the warmer weather and
the added income from opportunities that my neighbors would give
me by paying me to take care of their lawns. I wasn’t growing
like a weed but grown I had. Since Seventh grade I grew five
inches in height and put on thirty-five pounds of muscle. My
mother and my future stepfather were still dating. They made
such a handsome couple. The both look very modish, which back in
the day, was a term for a groovy looking modern couple. However,
like many couples they had their share of problems. They broke
off for a bit, and my mother started to date a few other guys. I
was not happy about this for many reasons. The biggest reason
was that I had grown attached to Jake.
It wasn’t so much that Jake and I developed a close
relationship, I think he was uncomfortable that he was only
eleven years older than me and this meant that I was too old to
be at an age to be adopted as son material.
Perhaps he felt that I was more like a younger brother. My
brother James was more towards an age of which it was a bit more
conceivable that he could be young enough to be son material for
Jake. Regardless I had grown attached to him for two or three
reasons.
The first reason, I guess that on some level I craved to have a
father figure. As I have already mentioned, at the time my
father really did not show much desire to take advantage of his
visitation rights. When he did visit, I hungered for mentoring
so badly, I tried to engage him for advice on how I could best
thrive in this world.
I was disappointed by his response, or perhaps I should say his
lack of response.
Instead of taking me aside and teaching me all of the secrets of
the Universe that I imagined fathers tell their sons; he told me
that that was something he had to learn on his own and therefore
I would have to learn about life on my own. My father’s obvious
disregard for us caused my sister and especially my younger
brother James to start acting out in bad ways towards Jake. They
both would at times get angry when Jake would discipline us.
They would yell out the usual, “Your not my Dad” mantra that
most kids fall to when a man, no matter how loving tries to take
over the previous father’s position. I use to feel very badly
for Jake, whenever my sister or brother would pull that shit. I
could tell that Jake would get mad, but it seemed to hurt his
feelings even more. I think the biggest reason why Jake and my
mother broke off their relationship, was because my siblings had
trouble-accepting Jake as a replacement of my father.
Secondly, I felt empathy and sympathy for Jake. Even though I
was still a child, I felt it took a lot for a young guy to take
on a ready-made family. I felt grateful towards him for helping
to make my mother’s life easier.
Thirdly, I felt that Jake really loved my mother and that he
wanted to share a life together with her.
As I said, now that Jake and she were taking a rest from each
other, my mother started to casually date other men. Since I was
becoming an increasingly sexual being, I was very suspicious of
men in general with regards to my mother. My mother was by many
people’s standards a very beautiful woman, and I started to
notice a lot of men staring at her or trying to flirt with her.
A few times when I helped her with shopping I would catch some
man staring at her. I would stand next to my mother and stare
back. I would continue to stare until the man showing interest
in my mother would get uncomfortable and leave the area. I
figured only Jake had a right to look at my mother that way.
She was dating this one guy who looked like a much stockier
version of the character Jared on the TV show “Big Valley”. He
was very handsome guy about thirty-five years old, with a barrel
chest and big forearms.
“Jared” seemed nice enough on the surface, but I thought he was
a bit too smooth. I sensed that his intentions towards my mother
were not honorable. Admittedly, I may have felt that way because
of my loyalty towards Jake. Another reason I felt distrustful of
him was because a few times I caught him looking at me askance.
Those several times I caught him looking at me. He would often
be giving me that sizing me up look that I experienced so many
times, especially from the school bullies.
He went out of his way to mention that he noticed that I was
strongly built. He reminded me of Mr. Dano.
These similarities made me very uneasy, I got the feeling that
he was building me up to set me up, and then take me down.
Once
he started to give me a verbal resume’ of his past and present
physical exploits. His regaling me of all his achievements made
both my mother and me very uncomfortable.
We
were both embarrassed for him. My mother had taught me that
bragging was a sign of people who were bullies or insecure
people. Jared again decided to build me up.
Hey, he said, “You look like you’re as strong as a man Lazarus.”
Since I was only thirteen and a half and weighed only a hundred
and thirty-five pounds, I doubted his sincerity, “Give me a
break, I thought.
Jared
was a full-grown man that weighed about two hundred pounds.
Jared said, “Hey lets arm wrestle!”
He
pulls one of the end tables set next to the chair he was sitting
in around and places it in front of him.
He
plops his bowling pin forearm on the table and his meaty hand
waving around. I was looking at this guy and then my mother in
disbelief. I was muscular but not big at all. By today’s
standards I was actually skinny.
“Come on, Jared said, your big enough, don’t be afraid.”
Even though I was feeling certain anxiety I said, “I’m not
afraid, I said, I just don’t see the point.”
He said, “I’m just curious to see how strong you are, I don’t
expect you to beat me, it’s just for fun.”
I was
looking over at my mother, and she had an indecipherable look on
her face.
She said, “Go ahead.”
I sensed that this contest would set the tone on how he would
treat my mother and I from that moment after.
I felt that he was acting like a red assed primate anxious to
shake branches and just chomping at the bit to give a show of
power. He was a primate wanted to show me that he was Alpha and
then have access to mate with the female. The only thing in the
way of this blustering primate’s desire to impress the female he
wanted to dally with was her maturing juvenile son that needed
to be shown his place in the pack. I could tell he thought that
he was just the alpha ape to do it.
Jared and I positioned ourselves for the contest. My skinny arms
looked ridiculous next to his bowling pins. His forearms were
knotted with muscle. Back east there is very little technique in
arm wrestling. You gripped each other’s hands in a firm grip.
You did not use your body weight. Nor do you pull the person in
towards you, and you certainly don’t do both. Doing either of
these things was considered cheating. It was mostly speed,
strength and endurance. It was a tough match, but I beat him.
The look of astonishment on his and my mother’s face was
complete.
He thought his defeat was a fluke so he demanded two out of
three and then tried with his left hand. By the time we were
through, he was pretty put out. It was the last time I set eyes
on him. My mother and Jared never dated again.
I was glad of this fact and glad that she would be picking up
with Jake once again. However, It was shortly after my victory
over Jared and shortly before Jake would be coming back around
that I got a disturbing and sad insight into the world of single
divorced women with children.
I got a glimpse of the hard choices that many of these women
feel that they are forced to make.
I found out that Jake and my mother had broken up, because of
many of his disturbing personality traits. As much as he and my
real father hated each other, they were more alike than not.
Both were incrediably fastidious and organized, they could find
anything they own in the house in total darkness. Both or them
were fiercely domineering and jealous of any male attentions
that my mother was often use to getting. Both of them were
essentially emotionally unavailable to my mother; my real father
because he was unwilling to be and Jake because he was unable to
express himself in any such manner.
My real dad did not care to make time for his kids, but
preferred instead to spend all his spare time partying and
chasing women with his buddies.
Jake spent so much time pursuing his dream of wealth and
business acumen that he did not care to spend any time with us
that he felt could have been used to increase his competence in
the business world.
While my real father was a socially gregarious man, Jake instead
was uncomfortable in social situations that were outside of the
business world and unlike my dad he was for the most part quiet,
uncomfortable and intense in most social situations.
Both of them had a very bad temper and neither of them were very
nurturing to us or my mother. Both of them were narcissts; my
father is a major one to his core and Jake is a low level
narcissts.
The only positive difference between Jake and my real father is
that Jake did not run around with other women… he believe in and
practice maritial fidelity, while my father is both unable and
unwilling to give monogamy a try.
My mother voiced her concerns and disappointment about Jake to
me. She also mentioned that she was attracted to Jake and even
loved him, but she once again voiced that he had a problem
temper and he was too machismo.
She acknowledged that being married to him and with both of them
pooling their financial resources, life for all of us would be
easier.
She asked me point blank if she should marry him. I was uneasy
that she would and fearful that she would not. I was concerned
about my mother’s current and future happiness and security.
She would base her decision on what we wanted and true to the
nature of guilty children we based our opinions on what we felt
would be best for our mother and what she really wanted.
Basically Lynn and I told our mother to follow her heart for
what she wanted.
We did
this with great expectations and trepidations.
On another level it bothered me to realize with certainty that
my mom probably would have never married Jake if She had not
been under financial stress.
It was
at that moment that no matter what, I would never be involved in
a relationship where a woman would be in such a situation as to
taint or muddy her mind as to whether she would be with me or
not.
I believe it was on that fateful day that my mother, regardless
of her true and noble feelings for Jake made the choice for
security, comfort and safety of the known than face the angst
and loneliness of the unknown. I have often felt that for the
much of her life regret warred with the love and admiration she
felt for the man she said yes to that week.
Over
the years the saying that “Every form of refuge has its price”
would haunt me time and again.
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