EXCERPT FROM THE BOOK:

MOST PEOPLE TALK BULLSHIT - One Primate's Search For Intelligent Life

A New Hunger Grows

      After enjoying most of my tenth school year with Honey and Lucy, good things had to come to an end.

      I sadly experienced Paradise Lost. I knew what Adam felt like when God kicked him out of the Garden of Eden.  An earlier Catholic program which I had thought was wiped clean from my bio-computer sprang forth and I thought I heard God’s voice chiding me for my sin of fornication outside of marriage and an echo of my programmed responses, defending my sins.

      I could hear God call unto me, “Vinny, where art thou?”

      I said, “I heard thy voice in the streets, and I was afraid, because I saw that I was naked; I hid myself.’

      God said, “Who told thee that thou wast naked? Hast thou eaten from the fruit from the tree of Honey and Lucy, whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldest not eat?

      In my mind I could hear God said unto Honey, “What is this that thou hast done?”

      Honey said, “Vinny’s serpent beguiled me, and I did eat and partake of the fruit of his loins.”

      God looked at my crotch and said unto my penis, “Because thou hast done this, thou art cursed above all, and upon thy belly shalt thou go and dust, trouser lint and Vaseline shalt thou eat all the days of thy life.”

      “And I will put enmity between thee and women, and between thy need and their need; Instead ye shall bruise thy head of your serpent often by thy own hand.”

      In my mind I could see that God was looking at me with righteous anger and he said, “Because Thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy lust, and hast eaten and buried your penis into the tree of Honey, of which I commanded thee, saying, Thou shalt not partake of it so easily for the rest of your days.”

      Cursed is the woman’s pussy for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life”

      “Thorns also and thistles shall it bring forth to thee from here on out as you struggle to fornicate and spread your seed and instead your seed shalt go to seed and lie fallow in the field”

      Then in sarcastic and chiding tones, the Lord God said, “Behold, Vinny is become as one of us, to know good and evil: and now, lest he put forth his hand, and his mouth and his penis and take also of a woman’s tree of life, and eat, and live for ever.”

      God sent me forth from the garden of Eden, to till the earth and toil for sex like he does most men. I had fallen to earth

      I broke free from the twisted reverie of what I had thought was a bygone program… but I knew from there on out, I would definitely sing for my supper if I wanted to get laid.

      What happened to Honey?

      She had graduated and went off to marry her fiancé’ and Lucy fell for a new kid who happen to be her age. He looked like James Dean and she was crazy about him…plus he always had lots of cocaine.

      My gravy train had run out. I had taken my good fortune with Honey and Lucy for granted and now I was faced with the reality of having to actually sing for my sexual supper. Now I had to hone my skills in the pursuit of picking up and scoring with girls.

      My baser drives had me sneaking out of the house at night. I thought it best to convince my mother to allow me to have a lock to my own room. I was allowed to have a lock on my door, to keep my brother out. This was because my brother James had a fondness for other people’s stuff. He especially loved to ‘borrow’ my stuff.

      Before I became possessed by sexual demons, I would stay locked in my room to read for hours. Now that I had a lock on my door, I could whack off in privacy, or read without interruption. Actually, I was now incapable of reading; I was only capable of gazing at lewd pictures of women. Anyone in my family coming to my door after a certain hour would assume that I was fast asleep if I failed to answer the door when they knocked.

      I’d use to jump out of my bedroom window, which was up on the second floor to meet my friends, and we’d be off cruising for girls. My poor mother never suspected that I would leave my room for late night excursions.

      What was ironic was that my entire academic life was going to the toilet because of my sexual dalliances. Yet, because I rarely brought any girls to meet my parents, somehow my mother and stepfather was worried about my budding sexuality. I only brought girls home when my parents were at work or out of town.

      Initially the reason I refused to bring girls home during normal visiting hours, was because my brother and sister made it their life’s mission to embarrass and harass me in front of my female companions. Also, as far as my parents were concerned, they would not have approved of most of the girls that I hung out with.

      Whenever I would bring a girl home during school hours, I felt like Hugh Hefner as I would pour the wine or liquor out of the decorative bottles that sat openly in my room. I loved proffering drinks to the willing adventurous girls that heard about my reputation and wanted to see for themselves if I was indeed the bright protégé’ of Honey and Lucy and that rumors had intimated.

      These rumors gave me an advantage however; I still had to learn the art of seduction.

      Most of the girls that I would meet were not ready to have sex right out of the gates like Honey or Lucy. Most of them needed to be coaxed and talked into to sex. I had to approach them unawares. Often times a woman would use the ole’ “I don’t want to ruin our friendship” line. Sometimes they would tell me that they were not attracted to me in that way.

      Sometimes the girls I was after would really feel that way and other times I think some girls wanted to test my resolve, to see how strong my seed was. I found that there was only one way to deal with those types of challenges and that is to slyly act as if I was not very interested in them except only as a friend. This approach usually worked.

      Sometimes after I had established open lines of communication with a girl so that she would feel comfortable with me, then it was best to take the offensive; that’s when I would tell her that I thought that the friendship I had with her was not worth risking by us getting sexually involved.

That tact also, almost always worked, it just goes to show that timing is everything.

      The one thing that really helps is what I call insider knowledge. Just like all of the big boys that are involved with insider trading. Not all of them do it and it may be wrong, but the guys that do take advantage of insider knowledge certainly benefit. My sister and my friends were often sources for this insider knowledge of their sisters or girl friends that took an interest in me. I certainly exploited this knowledge.

      As I said, now that Honey and Lucy, my main source of sex was gone I had to use all the social and political techniques at my disposal that would prove beneficial for me during dry times. It was my DNA’s prime directive that I spread my seed. Their directives made it impossible to ignore my penis. Because of my DNA, my penis was now always demanding my attention, to be precise, the attention of women. It demanded to feed until satiated. The drives and demands are so common, we sometimes think that it is we instead of our wanker that is calling the shots. This is why most guys take their member for granted until something goes wrong. I was not so foolish; I knew that was something I could ill afford to do. Looking back, it is both pretty amusing and sad.

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