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EXCERPT FROM THE
BOOK:
MOST PEOPLE TALK
BULLSHIT - One Primate's Search For Intelligent Life
The Things That Drive Us
All in all, even though I did not enjoy my classes, things were
not that bad. I remember and learned more from my personal
readings than from my schoolwork. I think my inability to learn
wasn’t just because of the stress in my life it was also the
result of my new found sexual drives. All I could think of was
holding and kissing girls and this excited me sexually. What I’m
about to say, may sound silly, but I happen to be in the very
unusual and unenviable position of not having any idea of what
was happening with my body.
By some fluke, I had not learned about the facts of life prior
to my newly acquired obsession with my penis. Although I had
hundreds of opportunities to watched mating rituals of the
reptiles and amphibians in North Carolina actually doing it; I
did not connect these mating rituals with the changes happening
to my body.
Nor was I totally ignorant to the physical differences between
boys and girls.
As I have previously mentioned, I had seen some of those
differences when I was a kid. I even mentioned to my mother that
I notice those oddities; but I never thought to ask the obvious
questions as to why mom or Lynn didn’t have a pee-pee when
James, my dad and I had one. I knew women had breast to nurse
children, just like mammals had teats to nurse their young. I
knew that males had to be with females for there to be babies.
I knew that men and women kissed, I thought it only a gesture of
affection with appropriate people. I knew that women often
kissed each other on the cheeks, Men kiss their kids and their
sisters, or mothers on the cheeks or very quick and proper
barely touching the lips. I knew that boys who are not related
don’t kiss each other at all, unless they are French or some
other Mediterranean group. I knew that married people, as well
as boyfriends and their girlfriends might often kiss directly on
the mouth for prolonged periods, if they think no one is
looking.
All I knew for certain was that I was experiencing fierce
drives; drives that called on me to pay a lot more attention to
my ‘unit’ more than I had for the previous twelve years of my
life. My ‘unit’ call to me to touch it and to play with it ad
nauseam, perhaps I should say ad blissfulness. My ‘unit’
does not care about anyone’s political affiliations, religious
backgrounds, or educational level, nor does it care if I was
prepared with all knowledge concerning the facts of life, i.e.
the mechanisms and nature’s intent for my unit’s part in
procreation.
I can only guess at the reasons as to why I felt the need to
fantasize, or the reason why my ‘member’s’ pleasure was
increased when thinking about the girls that lived in my
complex, or by thinking of the mature women on the covers of my
mother’s magazines that laid all over the apartment.
Now my ‘member’ had the opportunity of added stimulation by my
new founded exposure to a population of beautiful young and
physically mature girls at the junior high school I was now
enrolled at. I found these mature ninth graders to be attractive
and thought of them often.
Compared to the other boys in my grade, I was not very big, or
even handsome, and I was not popular or a known athlete. I was
barely five foot in height, and I weighed slightly over a
hundred pounds. I had however, started shaving the year before
and I had already started to develop other secondary sexual
characteristics.
Despite all of my shortcomings, for some reason, I was starting
to get favorable attention from some of the girls especially the
older girls would flirt with me.
They
always got a big kick getting me to blush.
Sex Education, How Did I
Miss That?
This was the year that I was going to finally find out about the
facts of life.
Up
until seventh grade I was ignorant of the mechanics concerning
procreation.
Whenever I tell anyone the strange circumstances of my lack of
sexual knowledge, invariably I would hear, “Oh my God… no shit?
How is it that you had no knowledge of procreation?”
Other people would say, “With all your knowledge, from books and
from observing animals in the wilds, how in God’s name did this
not occur to you?”
Admittedly, my situation was strange as well as unenviable.
However, I think I can explain.
Yes, I
did read a lot of the books, and many of them were at the adult
level. However, none of the books I read actually discussed
sexual mechanics. These books merely mention the need for males
and females to get together as mates. When I went to Catholic
school I read through the bible and in the bible I never read
anything dealing with sexual mechanics.
The bible never discussed penile erections, penetration,
ejaculation, ovulation or any of stuff. Also, the Bible
emphasized the miraculous creationism type of an attitude;
explaining how the first woman was created by a man’s rib, then
on to virgin birth, and man coming from dust, that sort of
thing. When I read the part of “The man and the woman layed
naked with each other and felt no shame”; I did not know
this had anything to do with anything, aside the fact of them
sharing naked time, which of course was a sin.
I didn’t understand the mechanism of animal procreation, even
farm animals. I only understood a few things.
For
instances, I understood that my Uncle VD would have to pair a
boar with a sow if you wanted piglets, but the actual mechanics
of procreation between the boar and sows, by an odd toss of
chance was always done out of my line of vision.
Generally, most people learn about the sexual mechanics of
procreation from their parents, their siblings or their friends.
I had none of those advantages. My father was never around to
have those father and son talks, and I think my mother did not
believe it would be necessary for years to have me know anything
about sex.
My mother preoccupied with working two jobs may have been the
reason that kept her out of touch with the reality of a son
maturing early. My brother and sister actually found out about
sex from my cousins and they asked my mother about what they had
been told to verify the facts. My mother was pretty pissed that
my cousins shared that knowledge with my brother and sister. She
thought they were too young to know about that kind of stuff.
My mother made both my sister and brother swear upon the pain of
extreme punishment that they would never share the secret of
carnal knowledge to me. She was just as adamant with my cousins.
I think my mother still hoped that I would become a Priest.
As I said, friends are also another source of learning about
sex. Until Ninth grade, that source was not available to me. So
there I was, twelve years old and my “member”, my “conjoined
twin”, thumping my belly for attention. The attentions it
demanded made my life feel sinful.
I felt this way because of the combination
of both the premature biological drives that burned within my
body, and the lingering affects of shame installed by the
Catholic church.
The mechanism of shame instilled within me the belief that I
should make every conscious effort – to not touch myself – and
certainly not to think of women when my urges overpowered me.
I believe that it is because of these
religious mandates that make it impossible to wipe those pesky
thoughts from our mind. Not just impossible, but actually create
an internal environment were we focus much more on those
thoughts images, thereby often creating sexual addiction.
For example, if I order you not to think of
an elephant, your mind will immediately see the image of an
elephant. If somehow I installed in your psyche that not only
should you not touch your genitals, because it is sinful; You
will be more likely to think about how sinful it is to touch
your genitals, thereby, bringing to your attention the needs of
your sex organs.
In addition, if I also install, that you
must never ever think of elephants and spank your monkey at the
same time, this will pretty much insure that images of elephants
will burn in your mind’s eye as while you spank your monkey.
Ha, ha! Do you see what I just did? The
evil part of me installed in your mind that whenever you
masturbate or make love to your significant other, you are going
to have pesky persistent images of elephants in your mind.
Some of you may even take it to the next
level on your own by visualizing the elephants in provocative
lingerie that you have seen in a Victoria’s Secret catalogue.
(Or instead of your mind doing this on it’s own,
did I just use my Jedi mind powers to install yet another
deviant fetish in your open unprotected mind?) I bet some of you
may ever become a hazard at your local zoo.
One word of advice, install a decent
firewall into your consciousness.
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