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EXCERPT FROM THE BOOK:
VINCE'S GYM
CHAPTER SIX
Harry Brags To Juan
It was a few weeks before Harry shows his face at the gym again.
Finally he shows up and he starts holding court as usual. Harry
starts to brag about all of his alleged exploits, especially his
astronaut training and his time as a male escort.
Juan clasps his hands together and has an “oh golly gee” look on
his face and in the best Sean Connery imitation he says, “But of
course you have.” “Everyone must be very proud of you.”
Juan turns away and resumes his calve raises. Harry’s face burns
again, the snickering from the peanut gallery made his face burn
brighter.
Juan’s Modesty Bugs the Big Boys
Juan never wore
clothes at the gym that would display his physique, and this
seemed to disturb a lot of the guys at the gym. Sure all the
women talked about wanting to see him naked on an island with
just him and them, but the guys who seemed the most put out by
Juan’s refusal to show his physique were mainly the biggest and
strongest guys, it seemed to drive them nuts. With the exception
of Robin Hatifi, Kai, Steve Miller, Mike Driscoll and myself,
every guy in the gym at one time or another would ask Juan to
take his shirt off, or to at least lift his shirt up to show his
abs, or roll up his sleeve to give a bicep flex or to roll up
his pant legs to show his calves.
Juan always laughed and refused by saying in a funny voice, “No
please don’t look at me, I’m hideous!” The voice he used
reminded me of the hunchback of Notre Dame.” “I must admit, I
was curious, but I have never been one to pry, at least it
usually is not in my nature.
Some of the guys got really nuts about it and probably asked him
about a dozen times. He would always politely refuse, and use a
half a dozen different excuses, such as “I have a conjoined twin
and I don’t want to wake him, he’s shy.” Or “I am embarrassed
about my two rows of twelve nipples.” Or he would often add “I’m
lactating right now and it’s a bit of a mess.” Or “He would say,
“I know that you are aware that Australian aboriginal men have a
pouch just like the kangaroos. (He had a bit of aboriginal
ancestry in his family). He had more than a few people convinced
that he was telling the truth regarding the nipples and the
pouch. One guy was not so naïve’.
After Juan refused to show him his physique by telling him about
his pouch of embarrassment, the worldly fella said “Look Juan, I
am not stupid, I know that only females have pouches to carry
their young and in the pouches they have nipples to nurse their
young for months.”
Juan said without blinking, “Right ya are mate, that’s how it
is with our women, but the men have a pouch ta hide their
prehensile “Tommy knocker.”
They worldly guy looked horrified and had doubted if his ears
had hear Juan correctly. “What was that you said,” he asked?
Juan without flinching said, “Tommy knocker”, Ya know mate,
Tally wacker, Man gland, yer tube root, yer waddy, the
Australian anaconda, yer little dinny, the python of pleasure,
Yer bush wacker, Yer walking stick, seeing the guy fighting
embarrassment, confusion and a bit of anger, he said, “Ya know
yer Penile erecti.
The guy was stuttering, “A pouch...prehensile,” he squeaked?
Seeing that he had the man of the world on the ropes,
Juan said, “Yeah, it was an adaptation years ago before we had
clothes, the ball sack evolved to grow up and over the Tommy
knocker to protect it from bugs, sand and brambles and the pouch
also hides yer intentions from the Shelia’s, if ya know what I
mean mate.”, as Juan gives the guy a lecherous grin.
The man of the world looked like he was sliding off the world,
“Prehensile?” he squeaked again.
Juan looks around and leans into the guy and speaks to him in
lower conspiratorial tones and says, “Yeah, you know how it
sometimes is with Shelia’s mate, they sometimes have to act like
their coy, you know play hard to git, “That’s when the big fella
comes out to grab em.” He winks at the former man of the world,
and says, “Came in right handy many generations ago when we had
to steal war brides.” He winks again.
Juan walked off to work on the seated row machine. The guy was
left standing there dazed and mumbling, “prehensile?” I had to
run into my office/bedroom to hide my laughter. Luckily I was
laughing so hard that no sound was coming out except for an
occasional sound of choking. God my abs got really sore for
that!
From then on the man of the world would look at Juan with a new
found look of awe and fear mixed together and come to think of
it after that chat, he seemed to go out of his way to avoid
Juan. It became apparent to me that Juan did not like to be
touch or touch people unless he developed a certain level of
friendship with them. The only time he seemed to touch people if
it was for a desired affect, such as slapping someone on the
back to show collusion of sorts, or with women of casual
acquaintance he might gently hold the woman’s shoulders with
both hands to keep her at a distance while showing her empathy,
affection or friendly regard.
He
also did not or would not shake the hand of a person that he did
not like.
Most of the men that wanted to see Juan’s physique tried to
grab his arm or shoulder muscles to see how big and hard they
were, most of the time when a guy was reaching for him he seemed
to shift away from the hand as if it his change of body position
was unintentional. He even seemed to have an uncanny ability to
sense when someone was sneaking up on him to grab his shoulder,
upper arm or traps from behind. I had seen on several occasions
a big guy sneaking up behind Juan to grab him to see how big and
hard his muscles were underneath the clothes that cloaked them
from view. Almost every time as the guy would grab with his
outstretched hand, Juan would seem to coincidently shift his
body at the last micro second, sometimes his whole body,
sometimes just his shoulder would roll enough forward and inward
to the mid line of his body that the guy would miss his mark and
stumble clumsily by him and fall flat on his face or trip
stupidly over a piece of equipment.
It was weird, because there was so many times that I saw that
both his back and back of his head was completely facing the
guys who stalked him, and again just like in the A and W there
often were not any mirrors or sources of reflections, or a
person in his eye range to indicate by design or by accident
that someone was reaching for him. I thought no ones peripheral
vision is that good.
I was
convinced that Juan had some odd type of sixth sense that warned
him of someone sneaking up on him.
I never shared this belief with anyone for obvious reasons,
although I heard more that a few guys ponder that possibility,
it left them dumb founded and it freaked them out. Aside from
that, I think I privately believed it more fully than anyone in
the gym.
Only on two occassions have I ever seen anyone able to sneak up
on Juan.
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