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EXCERPT FROM THE
BOOK:
VINCE'S GYM
CHAPTER FIVE
Harry Decides To Give Juan
A lesson In Self Defense
The next day at the gym, Harry decides to give Juan advice on
lifting weights. Juan listened politely as he continued to
workout. Juan would usually use only 125 lbs. for 25 repetitions
on the bench and 200 lbs for 25 repetitions on the squat and the
same with the dead lift. He would use only 50 lbs. for 25
repetitions and so on with other exercises. He only did one set
or 25 reppers and then he would do just one other set with 10 or
20 pounds per exercise for 10 repetitions The point is he used
weights that were not just light for a guy his size, but much
lighter than many of the very average people in the gym. He was
often ribbed that some of the women were using almost as much
weight as him. While he was compulsively stretching, (Like a
cat) -- something he did all the time, -- at least ten times
more than lifting of weights, Harry was watching Juan stretch
and go thru his many odd yoga postures.
Harry lectures Juan that he is wasting his time in the gym. Juan
told Harry that he was trying to stay flexible, fit and just
wanted to maintain what he had. Harry persisted by telling Juan
that he had practiced yoga for years and marital arts and that
he knew what he was talking when he suggested to Juan the need
to really push the weights.
Juan
always took this type of advice in good humor.
This day however, Harry was trying to bait and humiliate Juan.
Harry
loudly is using this lecture to have his podium for the benefit
of showing off and bragging about his martial art skills and his
tri-state Kung Fu championship. Mike voices his doubts as to
Harry’s alleged skills.
Harry says, “I’ll show you some tricks.” He rushed to his
apartment down the street and then he came back holding a rubber
knife.
He says Juan, (Not his real name), I need your help. Harry says,
“I want you to come at me with this knife.”
Juan says, “I don’t know, I’m not very good at stuff like this
mate.”
Harry says, “Don’t worry, the knife is only rubber and I promise
not to hurt you.”
Juan says, “Okee doekee.”
Harry shows Juan how to hold the knife, and exactly how to
attack him with it. Harry demonstrates a stiff armed over head
downward movement towards Juan’s chest. By this time everyone in
the gym was watching to see the “martial arts seminar.”
Harry says, “Come at me as fast as you can, don’t worry about
hurting me, I’m a trained professional.” Juan takes the knife
and comes down with less than average speed. Harry makes a big
show with making showy movements that were in actuality Tae Kwon
Do with a lot of theatrics, and he yells out an imitation of
Bruce Lee’s famous cat yowl as he makes an upward block.
Juan’s arm is blocked as anyone could predict, but Harry’s smug
look on his face vaporized as Juan’s arm quickly bent at the
elbow in a weird way and stabbed Harry in the chest.
Juan’s unexpected movement and the look of surprise on Harry’s
face immediately cause everyone in the gym to laugh at Harry and
this caused his face to become scarlet with embarrassment.
Juan says in a cartoon voice of a contrite child, “Ohh…I done a
bad thing.” He sounded a lot like Costello as a child.
God he had us all in tears.
Harry is pissed, and he says, “No!” “You did it wrong!” “Let me
show you how to come at me.”
He
shows Juan how to come out him again.
He said, “As an assailant you want to keep your arm stiff so you
can come down with more force, -- bending your arm takes out all
of your potential power.” “Now try again.”
Juan
came at him again, but slower as if he was trying to be careful
to “do it right”, - his face looked screwed up in concentration.
Harry does his show again, yell and all. As Harry snaps his arm
with greater force to block Juan’s arm, (The force used would
have hurt most people but did not seem to have fazed Juan). When
the block snapped against Juan’s arm, his arm bent around again
and stabbed Harry again.
This caused a few catcalls, “Hey Harry, It looks like he buried
the knife into your chest with out using his potential power.”
More snickers.
Harry angrily said “Since you can’t get that right, let’s see if
you can try other attack method properly.”
Looking contrite Juan said, “Okee doekee.”
To
make a long story shorter, Harry demonstrates one attack after
another and Juan somehow moves his arm weirdly or his body
clumsily so that the knife finds it mark “accidentally” each and
every time. As I was watching, it was occurring to me that there
seemed to be constantly more to Juan than what he tried to
portray.
Harry’s anger was growing, and the catcalls from the peanut
gallery didn’t help.
Harry said, “No one in their right mind would ever attack like
that in a real life situation.
I couldn’t resist, so I said, “It looks like they should.”
Without warning Harry tried to get Juan in a grappling hold, and
Juan “clumsily” slid and fell so that Harry tumbled around and
fell on his ass. This got a lot of laughs from everyone in the
gym now.
Juan said using another cartoon voice, “Rut row!”
Harry jumps quickly his face even redder, and he screams out,
“You did that on purpose!”
Harry starts punching and swinging at Juan. Juan simply stumbles
about clumsily and to most people it looked like he was only by
providence avoiding kicks and strikes and seemed to by chance
slide out of Harry’s grasps a few times. Harry stumbled and fell
and was frustrated with every punch and kick until he laid
propped over a piece of gym equipment sucking wind. Everyone was
stunned that Harry had resorted so quickly to violence.
Juan said, “Hey mate, I’m sorry, I’m not very savvy with the
chop suey stuff.” He said, “No hard feelings mate?”
He held out his hand to show Harry that he wanted to shake hands
as an overture of friendship. Harry ignored the hand and strides
quickly out of the gym without a word. This incident was just
another example that there was more to Juan than met the eye.
CHAPTER SIX
Harry Brags To Juan
It was a few weeks before Harry shows his face at the gym again.
Finally he shows up and he starts holding court as usual. Harry
starts to brag about all of his alleged exploits, especially his
astronaut training and his time as a male escort.
Juan clasps his hands together and has an “oh golly gee” look on
his face and in the best Sean Connery imitation he says, “But of
course you have.” “Everyone must be very proud of you.”
Juan turns away and resumes his calve raises. Harry’s face burns
again, the snickering from the peanut gallery made his face burn
brighter.
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