|
EXCERPT FROM THE
BOOK:
Neo’s Answer To My Request
I saw
Neo the next day at the gym. He did not indicate by word or
expression that we shared a lengthy discussion the previous
night. He gave no indication that he had reached a decision
about my request. I had been thinking all day about our
conversation. Thinking about last night and finally coming to a
decision to explore my potentiality, to explore other realities
with what Neo called my non-intellectual part of my mind.
I
craved the prospect of gaining more personal power. More
personal power in the ordinary realm and also in the
non-ordinary realms is what I vowed that I would attain.
I know that Neo said he would get back to me on this matter in a
couple days or so. Still I was impatient to get started. Neo and
the rest of the gym members’ worked out and engaged in their
normal small gym chit-chat.
Finally a week goes by and still no indication from Neo that
he would initiate me into the inner circle that his Grandfather
and Uncle had initiated Neo. A few of the seemingly
mystical events that I thought that I had experienced earlier in
life and the recent odd events that I share with Neo inspired me
to chat with a friend I had grown up with in the Philadelphia
area.
Before I met Neo, aside from Angelina and Greg, my friend Don was
the only person with whom I had dare to discuss these sorts of
things. Don was so intrigued by my experiences and by the acid
trips he had traveled; he had developed leanings towards
philosophy. I never mentioned anything to Don about Neo because
of the promise that I had given Neo. Everything I experience
with Neo I kept to myself. I told Don that I was alone on the
camping trips that I had experienced my strange mystical
openings.
What I shared with Don excited him so much that he decided to
refer to me a book that he felt would give me insight as to what
was happening to me. The book was called “The Teachings of
Don Juan: A Yaqui Way of Knowledge.” written by Carlos
Castaneda. Carlos Castaneda also wrote a few other books. I
remember that I read a few of them but I do not remember that
much about them. (My memory – although pretty good for reading,
is much better at recalling conversations).
Don thought I would find the books interesting because of a
character in the books that was described by the name of Don Genaro. According to
Don, Don Genaro had a talent for leaving
his ordinary body and traveling around in his non-ordinary body.
Don Genaro was so good at this talent that he could even project
the image of his non-ordinary body so that other people would
think that they were seeing the
ordinary body. Supposedly Don Genaro
could also give the impression to the people that he was talking
and that his non-ordinary body was solid to the touch. In
this state, Don Genaro could appear to do superhuman things like
leap up on a roof or a mountain and so forth.
Don believed my stories, I think because that he knew that I did
not possess the inclination to lie, and he knew that I did not
have the requisite imagination or intelligence to make up such
shit. He really believed my experience was real and because of
his experiences from the use of hallucinogens he felt that our
minds and perceptions could transcend our bodies.
He felt frustrated because he had never experienced the out of
the body phenomena that I have had – even with the use of a
variety of hallucinogens. He also was perplexed and a little
envious that I was able to have these experiences without the
use of hallucinogens. He felt that I had a gift.
Privately I felt I had brain damage.
If it were not for the many conversations that I have had with
Neo… I would have only been able to remember that Don Juan’s
personal view was that the use of drugs - were relevant to the
rituals that Carlos Castaneda has claimed to have practiced.
Also I vaguely remember Don Juan telling Carlos about finding
and vanquishing an ally. The discussion of the ally
between Carlos and Don Juan was a chilling reminder of the
dwarf, the dark energy being and the guide during my late night
flight when I lived in Phoenixville. From his books I seemed to
remember that Carlos talked of spells and the use of corn
kernels and some such stuff.
What will be obvious to anyone reading this book is that I
adopted the term ordinary and non-ordinary body or reality from
Carlos Castaneda. Before I read a few of his books, I used the
term astral body and while this is not an incorrect term, the
term ordinary and non-ordinary just resonated with me. Carlos’s
books also talked about Don Juan trying to teach him lessons
about life and how to break away from the limitations of the
consensus reality that society uses to shackles its inhabitants.
His story was about learning to become a warrior.
Quite frankly, for years I was embarrassed to admit that I did
not understand much of what Carlo’s was trying to impart. I took
things too literally and my intellect was too unsophisticated to
wrap itself around subtle underpinnings. Even when I chatted
with Neo whom I could relate to well; he had trouble getting
across many subtle and important facts about life.
I think my friend Don liked the books because he felt that this
strengthened his argument that drugs were not only okay to take
but that they were beneficial,--especially hallucinogens. He
often tried to talk me into taking the drugs when I was in high
school and then when we lived in Bridgeport. He intimated that
he was frustrated because he wanted desperately to reach those
bliss states and I could tell that since he considered my
intellect to pale by comparison to his. In truth it does and it
did---especially back then. I think that he felt that if I read
Castaneda’s books-- then I would be able to describe to him more
effectively what it was that I did to allow me to enter those
states. I was unable to understand why I could and he couldn’t,
since he was much more intellectual than I was.
We both fantasized that if we could master the tricks of
Don Juan and his sorcerer friends; then we could think of many
ways to exploit our powers.
The experiences that I had before I met Neo, my reading books on
astral projection and a few of the Castaneda books, and finally
the experiences that I had with Neo shifted my intentions. My
desires and new found goals had been percolating under the
surface of my conscious awareness since I met Neo.
The fact that he had been trained in the art of shamanism by his
Grandfather would not have convinced me to take the plunge. No,
it was because in addition to this unique albeit superstitions
primitive belief system
Neo was extraordinarily anchored in the high discipline of
science. Our last conversation buried my overarching fears and
now I wanted to be more than an ordinary human. I wanted to
experience new realms. I wanted to evolve.
I believe that I would have both science and intuition behind
me. I felt that Neo could be my Don Juan. I felt that I could
convince him since I was armed with what little I had read from
the Castaneda books.
I knew that Neo possessed knowledge and personal power. I wanted
to become like Neo. I wasn’t sure if I believed all of the stuff
that I read in the Castaneda books but I was convinced that Neo
was able to transcend limitations that were normal for most
people. Neo seemed to transcend normal physical
limitations… sure he wasn’t any great shakes at power
lifting… but he knew his way around the woods. He could do other
physical things that were also remarkable.
Even at a non-physical level, Neo simply stimulated my mind more
than anyone that I have ever met. He stimulated my mind more
than the college education that I was getting. When I conversed
with him, it was if I could feel my brain actually stretching,
changing, (Sometimes frying). Around Neo I felt like the
primitive hominids in the movie “2001 A Space Odyssey.”
In the movie there were meager bands of hominids that live a
pathetic life of fear and scourging to survive. They probably
didn’t know it but they were a evolutionary dead-end just on the
brink of extinction. (Just as I imagine that Homo sapiens may
also be an evolutionary dead-end).
One morning they woke up and in their midst was a giant black
obelisk. This black alien obelisk seemed to appear from nowhere.
The new presence of this obelisk started to cause profound
changes in the hominids. Perhaps the mere presence of this alien
structure stimulated the imagination and thought processes of
the hominids who struggled to wrap their neo-intellects of how
and why -- or perhaps the obelisk gave off a type of radiation
or energy that directly physically altered the brains of these
once doomed animals. Perhaps it was for both
reasons---regardless profound changes started to happen and
eventually these hominids evolved to become Homo Sapient
sapiens.
In my own brutish and primitive way…I sensed more than I
thought that Neo’s presence was doing that to me. I knew
that my interactions with him were causing me to change
profoundly. I wanted more.
A week had gone by and Neo still had not given any indication
that he was going to become my mentor.
As
soon as the gym closed, I took it upon myself to hop on my
chrome pony and I sped off to the library.
I knocked on the door and within short order Neo came to let me
in.
Neo’s hair was growing longer and the white-roots of hair on his
head were starting to show.
He said, “G’day mate, come on in.”
He had noticed my glance at his hair and said, “I can go back to
me regular looks now that my employers think they got a young
man fer my other job.”
I said, “Yeah, well… regardless of how old you are, except for
that slight thinning monk spot you have a wonderfully thick head
of hair.” “I am starting to lose mine.” “Hell, I wouldn’t mind
if my hair was purple if I could keep it all, I said ruefully.
Neo said, “You can shave yer head and look like Mr. Clean.”
“Nah, I said, I got a head that looks like a cross between Linus
and Charlie Brown in the Peanuts cartoon.”
Neo snorted and then laughed, “Yeah, we all have are crosses ta
bear.” “Speaking of crosses ta bear… I want to git my chores done
before I take my break.” He gestures towards the break room and
with generous concern he said, “Go make yerself some coffee or
tea if ya like.”
I said, “I’ll help you get caught up if you don’t mind me
talking as we work.”
Neo said, “That would be grouse mate.’
We
worked at the usual task of shelving the books. I was nervous
about broaching the subject of becoming his apprentice. I was
really getting into the Carlos Castaneda shit.
I said, “Have you decided if you will mentor me to learn about
your shaman knowledge and all of the other stuff that you have
learned in life?”
Neo tilted his head back and stared at me with his peculiar
emerald eyes. His normally fast and superhuman speed of shelving
came to a halt.
He breathed in deeply and then let out a long sigh that sounded
suspiciously like regret. He said, “I’m afraid I’m going to have
ta take a rain check on that Vinny.”
I felt as if a cold damp cloth suffocated my heart. My disappointment was supreme.
Neo saw my disappointment and he said, “Vinny, I am not the
mentoring kind of guy… at least not in the guru sort of way ya
think ya want.” “Also, you are not ready ta be the apprentice
that ya think you want ta be.”
Forlorn and diminished I said, “What do you mean that I am not
ready?”
Neo said, “You need to attend to more pressing and ordinary
issues before you can worry about developing special powers, or
experiencing other realms.”
Perplexed I pressed him to explain to me what he meant.
He said, “Vinny, ya need to attend the bare essentials in yer
life.” “You still have fears and emotional issues that are
draining you of personal power to make the quest you think ya
want to make.”
I said, “In the book “The Teachings of Don Juan” there
was a guy who became an apprentice to Don Juan and he was a real
emotional mess; he never experienced any of the things that I
have and he really didn’t believe any of it, at least not
initially.”
I looked at him imploringly and said, “I am hard working,
honest, and disciplined.” “I have faith and I am willing to go
the distance to learn all that stuff.”
Neo had a look of horror on his face and he slaps his forehead
and exclaims, “Holy Christ!”
His swearing shocked me since I had thought Neo had very devout
beliefs in Christianity. Then I realized that the way he said,
holy Christ was more of a benediction or a knee jerk response to
cry out for strength. Probably he was searching for the
emotional and intellectual strength to deal with my unthinking
single-minded goal and the material I had been drawing upon to
fuel my pitiful half-formed belief.
Neo sighed heavily to release his frustration. He said, “Those
damn Castaneda books again!”
I was startled at the vehemence with which he said those words.
Confused I said, “What do you mean… what’s wrong?”
Neo face screwed in disgust and he said, “Agh, it’s just I
cannot begin to tell you how many people have led misguided
lives because they read the Castaneda books.”
Still confused I said, “Why do you say that?” “Carlos talks
about many of the same things that you and I have talked about.”
“Carlos also explained about altered states, other realities,
and that his mentor was a shaman or sorcerer, or warrior, or
some such shit… I’m not really sure.” I rushed on as if this
would convince Neo to change his mind and become my mentor,
“Anyway, the person he called Don Juan seems like he is a shaman
much like the way you describe your Grandfather.”
Neo snorted his disdain, “The character Carlos describes is not
exactly the way my grandfather was.” “You
have ta understand that a shaman in New Guinea is not exactly
the same as a shaman in Australia, nor the same as your Native
American medicine men, or the same as the guy that Carlos claims
he met.”
I said, “Are you saying that the books are made up lies and have
no merit?”
Neo said, “No… I don’t think that the books are made up lies per
se… I do believe that he was an anthropologist that did a lot of
studying on the customs of those people.”
I felt the need to vent sarcasm, “Are you saying that this is
one guy that you don’t know personally?”
Neo tilted his head, taking note of my sarcasm and he said, “No,
I have never met the bloke.”
“Are you saying that he did not experience much of what he wrote
about or that his books are not helpful to people like me and
you,” I asked.
Neo’s look of exasperation was almost comical as he spreads his
big hands outward in an imploring gesture for me to understand
what it was he wanted to convey, “Vinny, I think Castaneda’s
books have a lot of merit, as to whether he experienced all
those things…that I could not tell ya.” “I suspect that he had
experienced much of what he describes in his books….perhaps all
of it.” “I believe that Don Juan may have existed or at least
his character was an amalgam of several sorcerers,”
Neo’s tongue sounded as if the word sorcerer was distasteful.
I said, “I am not sure what you mean by amalgam.”
Neo said, “Carlos may have taken the attributes of many
different people… to
create an ideal person so that the readers can get a better
visual of what he may have been trying to convey.”
“Is that why you have problems with his books, that he might
have made some stuff up,” I asked?
Neo nodded his head downward as if he would find the answers
there.
He looked up and said, “No… I don’t have a problem with
that… especially since that is not germane to the story he was
trying to convey.” “I do
not have too much of a problem with the story or the message, or
the lessons he is trying to share—at least I mostly don’t.”
“I have problems more with the readers of Carlos’s books than I
have with Carlos or the stories he writes.” “I even agree with
much of Carlos’s or Don Juan’s philosophy…not all of it, but
much of it.”
Now I was really confused so I said, “Well since I want to gain
more personal power and since you believe that the book is
mostly true, and since I am ready to learn, and since I am
disciplined…. what is holding you back from being my mentor?”
Neo’s insightful green eyes appeared to turned inward to some
eternal private sorrow and again he sighed heavily and then he
said, “Vinny, ya were given a gift the first time ya experience
yer Kundalini rising.” “Ya showed both discipline and
courage when ya tried to keep an open mind and ya pursued more
of these experiences.” “However, I think ya have some poor
motivations mixed in with good motivations fer wanting to have
these powers.”
I felt the hackles on my neck and back getting up at the hint of
an accusation of any poor or less than noble motivations on my
part.
“I wasn’t trying to do anything bad, and I would never misuse
any power that I would have,” I said, in strident tones.
Neo said, “Well ya did not have evil intentions, but judging
from what ya told me you and yer good mate Jon would talk
about....it is clear that you guys were impressed with learning
tricks.”
The word tricks also sounded distasteful on Neo’s tongue.
I said, “I am not sure what you’re implying.”
Neo said, “You said, that you and Jon wanted to learn how to
travel out of yer body to go look in on other people… to
essentially spy on them.” “You talked about yer fantasies about
developing powers… such as seeing the future to exploit world
economic markets.”
I said, “What is wrong with that?” Having those abilities would
give me an edge…hell it would leapfrog my success for wealth and
knowledge, and then I would be in the position to help others.”
Neo said, “Yer goals are course and common….they are the
fantasies of most human beings.” “Those goals especially the
acquisition of those goals would very well likely lead to yer
ruination—unless yer a fully developed person.”
“How can those abilities lead to my ruination?” I asked. “If a
person was to have those abilities doesn’t that indicate that
they are developed enough to be able to handle their gifts?”
Before he could answer I rushed on, “You even said, yourself
that a person filled with fears and confusion would be unlikely
to experience those abilities.”
Neo’s appeared to turned inward again and then he said, “The key
word is unlikely.” “I mentioned to you that too many people are
burdened by fears and base emotions that would make it unlikely
for them to experience some of the things that you have.” “I
mentioned that most people suffer from and are distracted by
conflicting goals and conflicting values that swirl about inside
their psyche.”
I started to chew on what he said and then he stopped his
shelving and motioned me to follow him into the break room.
He put the already simmering water and turned up the heat to get
the water to a high boil and then he kicked out a chair for me
to sit and then he sat down in a fluid manner into a chair
across the table from me.
Neo said, “I figured it would be a good time fer some tea.”
“What will yer poison be Vinny?”
“Coffee will be fine thanks,” I said.
“Ya drink so much coffee, I bet if I cut ya, ya would have
coffee running out of yer veins instead of blood?”
“Sometimes I believe that myself,” I said” “Are you going to
tell me how my problems and internal conflicts even compare to
other people’s fears and conflicts?” “After all, I said, even
you said that I was not hampered as badly as most people.”
Neo tilted his head back and stared at me with his peculiar
emerald eyes and then without warning in one fluid motion he
stood up, twirled around and glided to the coffee counter. He
poured out the boiling water into the coffee maker and then the
extra water into a large coffee mug that a friend had made for
him. I waited anxiously for an answer to my last assertion.
As I waited he put in his bag of green tea while the boiling
water of the coffee maker drained through the coffee grounds
causing the slurry of water and grounds to percolate and drain
into the pot below.” I could taste the dark richness of the
coffee in the air. Neo took out some ginger and lemon. He
squeezed a little bit of lemon juice into his tea and with his
knife he cut of small shreds of ginger from the main root with
the deftness and precision of a surgeon. As the coffee continued
to drain he took the ginger scraps and placed them on the
cutting board and with another large mug he mashed the scraps
until he was able to extrude a lot of the juice from the scraps
of ginger root.
He grunted and seemed satisfied of the results and then he swept
the scraps and juice of ginger into his mug, which he was
holding just below the counter-top. He placed the mug on the
counter and swept the unused portions of the ginger into a trash
receptacle and then he cleaned the board off in the sink and
then the board went back into the drawer where it was stored.
He turned and smiled, “Cleanliness is next ta godliness.”
As Neo had said that, he reached for the coffee pot that was out
of his line of vision and with unerring precision he brought the
cup to the mug that he had designated for me. And then he made
another pouring with another display of Zen like precision.
“I wondered, “How does he do that?”
Without asking me he poured in just the right amount of half and
half creamer. Not too much, but just enough to take out any
bitterness while keeping the dark roasted richness of the coffee
alive. Neo handed me the coffee and he sat down with his huge
mug of his tea fixings. I sipped the coffee and marveled at the
penetrating richness that played upon my tongue, and yet there
was an underlying delicate flavor to the coffee as well. I
commented about this to Neo.
Neo said, “Yeah, that’s because I added in just a smidgeon of
herbs and spices to the grounds.”
I said, “Whatever you added, it seems that it enhances the
richness of flavor.”
I questioned Neo what sort of spices and herbs that he had
added. He pulled out a baggie and showed me the mixture. He told
me the names or them and where he picked them from, but for the
life of me I cannot recall what the names of those spices and
herbs since I had never heard of them before.
I said, “Ha, you and Colonel Sanders with your seven secret
herbs and spices.” “What are you going to do now…start a
coffee franchise?”
Neo snort into his tea cup and said, “Ya never know.” “Don’t
worry that ya never heard of them… they are not dangerous… I put
them in to get rid of the bitterness and to enhance the flavor.”
“Besides the herbs and spices that I put in the coffee have some
slight medicinal benefits.”
I wanted to get back to our conversation so I said, “Will they
help me to be prepared to rid myself of my occasional fears?”
Neo laughed, “So ya think yer bothered only by occasion fears do
ya?”
I said, “Yeah, despite the usual ups and downs of life… I figure
I got my shit wrap tightly.” “You even said that I am ahead of
most of the herd.”
Neo’s face clouded and he said, “When I said that your fears
don’t hold you back as much as other people… that is not an
invitation to go feeling all superior and other
such shit.”
The way he voiced his distaste on the word superior grabbed my
attention.
I said, “What’s wrong with wanting to be superior?” “It’s just
means I want to be better than I am and that I want to operate
in a superior manner like you do.”
Neo said, “It is one thing ta acknowledge and judge with the
rational part of yer mind if yer new habits and abilities are
better… superior than yer original habits; it is even okay to
acknowledge and judge if you are operating better than other
people.” “It is very dangerous to fall prey to feeling
superior.” “If you start to feel superior, it is often because
you still have issues that have you needing to feel that way.”
Sometimes when ya think you have conquered this need you can
fall back into this bad habit because feelings and judgments of
being superior often leads back to attachment.”
Neo looked at me to see if I was able to follow what he was
saying and then he said, “As ya know attachments can lead to
neediness and suffering.” “The need to feel superior or dwelling
on yer feelings of superiority can lead to a lot of other
problems that I don’t want to go into at this time.”
I said, “But didn’t you originally tell me that it was unlikely
that people burdened by fears and conflicting goals and values
would not experience the mystical states that we have talked
about?”
I was trying hard through pleading and persuasion to inspire
Neo’s to mentor me.
I said, “Since I was able to attain some of those mystical
states, doesn’t that mean I’m ready to become your apprentice?”
Now I was really plunging head on into the Castaneda dialogue
of thinking.
Neo said, “Is a weak untrained ninety pound woman ready to dead
lift a thousand pounds or lift up a car?”
I felt put off balance by his question and I started to
recognize the beginnings of his Socratic questioning and this
put me on edge.
I said, “Off course not… that is ridiculous.” “What in the hell
are you trying to get at?”
Neo flashed his big teeth as if the trap had been set, “I could
point out that some people under unique circumstances have
lifted weights or cars that heavy.”
Not seeing where he was going I said, “Yeah, but that is only
because they were under duress, or felt extreme fear… their
normal body mechanisms that keeps all of us hurting ourselves
was bypassed thereby allowing the scared mother to lift a car
off her child.” “But people like this pay a huge price.” Their
once in a lifetime feat inevitably cause severe sometimes
permanent damage to their bodies.”
Neo said, “As a strength enthusiast you train to get closer to
achieving that kind of strength without the fear or likelihood
of injury… is that correct?”
I said sagely, “Yes, it is necessary to train constantly and
increase incrementally over the years so that we can minimize
the danger to our bodies.”
Neo had that ah ha I gotcha look on his face. “That is
why people who are not psychologically ready to travel other
realms or perform these other high falooten tricks should
not without years of proper preparation.” “That also is likely
to be very dangerous.”
I said, “Dangerous in what way?”
Neo said, “In the worst case scenario, very rare but real is the
potential for possession from bad entities, insanity, or death;
the other less traumatic but more likely scenarios is the danger
of becoming too self absorbed or feeling too self important, or
both.” “A person who is not prepared to travel into those
realms, to become an apprentice in the manner that you are
talking about is to court bad things.”
I said, “So a person becomes a little too cocky… what’s the big
deal?”
Neo said, “Well the cockiness could lead to the development of
more neurosis, and arrested emotional and intellectual
development.” “The most common but still a very deadly affect
that can happen when a person who is unprepared for this type of
apprenticeship is a total waste of their time and effort.”
I said, “But supposedly Castaneda had problems and faults that
he had to attend to; Don Juan help him through his faults and
fears and he even showed him which drugs to use to get into
those other states.”
Neo said, “As I said, “I am not normally the mentoring kind, at
least as far as being a guru for other people’s spiritual
development.” “It is not in my personal makeup… and I don’t like
the thought of being responsible for other people.”
Neo sighed and then he said, ‘I don’t mind chatting and sharing
ideas, and only with a select and few number of people.” “It
takes up much of my energy for me to attend to my own
growth…with collecting my own personal power.” “In this way I am
a very selfish person….creatively selfish… but selfish
nevertheless.”
I said, “You could give me hints as to how I could prepare
myself to become your apprentice… to prepare myself for
apprenticing for apprenticeship if you will.”
Neo smiled at what I fancied was an appreciation at my clever
return.
He said, “If ya would only open yer eyes… if you will, agh,” he
threw up his hands in frustration, “I give you hints all the
time!”
I was perplexed, and I thought I was missing something and I
thought that perhaps I had to dial up what I needed to do to
earn being his apprentice.
I said, “Do you think I need to start taking mushrooms, and
peyote and other hallucinogens to understand what I must do?”
Neo’s head rocked back and tilted as he looked at me askance,
“Why in the world do you think I would want you to try those
drugs?”
I said, “It’s what Castaneda said Don Juan had him use now and
then.”
Neo said, “That is why I cringe whenever I hear people talk
about drugs and mention that Don Juan advocated there use.”
“Those books are often misconstrued.” “If you read those books
closely…you will see that Don Juan takes a dim view on people
who use drugs capriciously.” “In fact, he believes that drugs
should be used sparingly, they should be respected and used
under very specific ritualistic manner.”
“Neo paused and then he pointedly said, “Don Juan demanded that
Carlos prepare himself emotionally, physically, and mentally,
for periods of time before he was to take the hallucinogens in
controlled ritual environments”
I said, “I am willing to prepare myself for the task.”
Neo said, “You have a lot of things that ya need ta attend to
before you can even think of the other worldly stuff.” “You may
find that you have too many issues to be up ta the effort.” “Ya
may be too resistant ta change.”
I felt uneasy that Neo was implying that I did not have what it
took to learn and experience the things that I thought I craved.
I did not want to face all the short comings that Neo said that
I had to overcome so I decided to buy some time by diverting the
attention on me to him.
I said, “Did you and your grandfather and uncle use different
types of hallucinogens for shamanistic rituals?”
Neo said, “No, aside from smoking tobacco, the shaman of my
tribe were not big into plants or drugs that would alter yer
states of consciousness.” “Some shaman in other tribes did.”
“Many shaman in other tribes did not use hallucinogens.”
Neo lean forward and said, “My grandfather and uncle gave them a
try when they went to the twice a year gatherings of other
shaman to share information.”
Listening to Neo had a image in my mind of hundreds of shaman
sitting at a fancy Sheraton Hotel for a the annual
“International Shaman Convention” I wondered if Neo’s
grandfather was the “Grand Poobah.” and this image
caused me to endure a fit of laughter.”
Neo’s gave me a perplexed look, “Something you like to share?”
I apologized and snorted suppressed laughter through my nose.
I said again, “Sorry go ahead.” “Oh wait…did you take
hallucinogens?”
Neo seemed to fall into muse. He sipped his tea and said,
“During my life I experimented with hallucinogens a lot more
than they did.” “When I went on my world wide walkabout and
studied anthropology I visited many tribes and I have been
involved in many shamanistic rituals and the different drugs,
drumming, music, dancing… lots of methods to get myself in the
states that my mentors frequented.”
I said, “So you did take drugs.” “Do you think people need to
take them if they are on a quest for knowledge and to gain
personal power as Carlos talks about in his books?”
Neo’s
emerald eyes looked deeply into mine as if weighing the best
direction to go with our conversation, he said, “For the most
part, no… drugs are not necessary.”
I was
perplexed, “Why do most of the shaman use drugs?”
Neo said, “Because they can open doorways of perception that is
very tough to open without them.” “A true shaman knows that
hallucinogens are tools only to be used for the acquisition of
power, to help them to communicate with spirits and to help them
how to manipulate energies to heal.”
I was
still curious, “You talk as though they should be avoided even
by shamans… is that correct?”
Neo said, “Yes, I believe that most of the shaman I met could do
their jobs without them, but they were dependent on their use
because it had become a part of the ritual of their culture.” “I
have tried almost all of the different hallucinogens and I have
even overused or abused them fer awhile.”
I said, “You abuse them?” I just can’t conceive of that.” Before
he could answer my rush of questions, I asked, “Why did you
overuse the drugs?”
Neo said, “I told ya that when I was young I had fer awhile
abused alcohol, and opium ta deal with my over abundance of
energy and ta deal with my anger and my tendencies towards
violence.” “I tried all the hallucinogens in excess because like
you I use ta tend ta be more than a little obsessive about my
goals.” “I
wanted to gain knowledge and gain personal power I hungered to
get into to states that I thought that other shaman may be
experiencing that me or my grandfather had not.” “I hungered to
know because I had not dealt with all of my issues.”
I said, “So now you don’t believe in hallucinogens for your
quest?”
Neo sighed, “No, I don’t need them… you don’t need them and most
people don’t need them.” “Only very few people need ta use them
and that has ta be done under very controlled circumstances with
a mentor or guru present.” “The insensitive blokes that
may need ta use the drugs only do so to open up the doors of
perception ta show them and thereby expanding their awareness of
where they can go.”
I said, “What happens if those insensitive people cannot get
what they need from infrequent use of the drugs?”
Neo looked sad and he said, “They are sometimes smart enough ta
quit the shaman path, or they eventually end up insane or dead.”
Neo added a qualifier to his last statement and said, “I mean
those poor buggers that will get caught up using drugs more than
the shaman who use them sparingly and with great respect when
they are healing or looking fer signs.”
I sighed because I knew I had to finally take the plunge and ask
Neo why he couldn’t mentor me - aside from his claim of not
being a guru kind of guy.
“Why do you think I am not ready…what kind of fears and issues
do you think I have to deal with,” I asked.
Neo said, “If ya really got the message from the Castaneda books
you would know that there are certain things that you have ta
achieve if ya want to gain knowledge and power... both personal
and otherwise.”
I said, “I am not certain what Don Juan tries to teach Carlos as
far as that stuff is concerned… I guess I was more enthralled by
the mystical stuff.”
Neo sigh sadly and said, “Yes… that is how it is with most
people.” “For people to evolve they have to desire and chase
knowledge and personal power.” “As you go for this goal your
constant enemy is fear.” “As I
have told you all normal people feel fear.” “The problem is that
most people allow fear to cripple them or at least burden them.”
Fear has to be conquered, not eradicated, but held in check and
even exploited ta yer benefit.” “The next goal is to attain a
high level of clarity of your thinking process.” This is more
likely ta happen if you can conquer and harness fear.” “You must
harness the power of yer fear and not vice versa.” The next
level is the proper use of power - personal and otherwise.”
“I am not sure by what you mean of the proper use of power,” I
said.
Neo said, “Most people think that once they attain power they
have reached their mark.” “That is the most dangerous time of
all.” “It is during this time for those who git here that people
tend to get a false sense of security and often arrogance sets
in.” “Both in of themselves are deadly.” “The combination of
both is a hundred fold more so.”
My mind was reeling… things were not as simple as I thought they
would be. I said, “Shit Neo… I just assumed that when people get
power it was because they knew the value of power and they would
know how to use it.” “That’s what my dad told me,” I whined.
Neo said, “Most people crave power so much and for so long that
they spend most of their time just trying to attain it.” They
don’t pay attention to the most obvious course and common value
of it; also the same can be said as to its use.” “It is like a
tool that you know is good to have, but you don’t know its worth
and true use.”
“A
tool like this can hurt you badly and it can even kill the
person who tries to wield it without proper knowledge or
personal power.”
I said, “If I was to attain power, whether it is personal or
otherwise… what would you suggest that I do?”
Neo said, “That is when you need to become humble… and you must
hone this humility and not be swept away by yer power.” “The
next step is ta conquer yer aging.” “Almost all people age
prematurely.” “I would estimate at the rate of four times faster
than necessary.”
I chewed on this as I drank the last of my coffee. I got up to
pour some more. Neo asked for another addition of hot water to
his cup. He opted to rerun his tea fixings and squeeze out
another drink.
I said, “What do you think I have to do just to make me
attractive enough to be ready to become an apprentice.” “I
rushed on and said, “I am not saying your apprentice… but someone
who is the guru type?”
Neo said, “Ya have to attend to yer day to day
responsibilities.”
Confused I said, “How will attending to my day to day
responsibilities help me to accomplish all of what you said?”
Neo looked down at his tea has if he was caught up in pray.
Finally he looked up and said, “I rarely point out ta people
mistakes or blunders they have a habit of doing.” “It is not
normally in my nature and it often creates ill will… even among
friends.”
“Also
the bottom line is that advice given is rarely taken… regardless
of how good the advice.”
He sipped his tea. The room was loud with silence. Then the
noise of a large moth flapping about and above against the
florescent lights broke the spell.
I said, “Okay, what would you like to tell me?” “I can take it.”
Neo sighed and asked, “Are ya sure you want ta hear it mate?”
I said, “Yes.” “Give it to me… both barrels.”
Neo sucked in his breath and said, “You have ta do everything in
yer power to structure yer life to minimize unnecessary stress
and distractions.” “Unnecessary stress and distractions robs
you of energy.” “It robs you of power.” “It prevents clarity of
mind and it keeps you in a constant state of fear.”
I said, “I don’t see that I am feeling very fearful in my life
now.”
Neo said, “That’s because you have a mind set of only
acknowledging outright terror.” “Fear can range from low level
anxiety to mindless terror.”
I was resisting Neo’s evaluation, mindless of his previous
assertion that most people don’t listen.
I said, “Mr. Chang, my former marital arts instructor told me
that fear is often useful and that anyone that does not feel
fear is a fool or a liar.”
Neo said, “Indeed he is right.” “People who never feel fear, are
severely handicapped” “Fear can be useful if you can learn to
harness it properly… if you use it and it does not use you, as it
does with most people.”
“So what is your point about my fears,” I asked?
Neo said, “The point is, yer fears are controlling you
and not vice versa.”
I was becoming outraged and I felt my blood pressure starting to
rise, I said, “I managed to live with my fears, thank you very
much!”
Neo’s looked at me with cool compassion, he said, “That’s the
problem you are simply living with yer fears, the way poor
buggers live with foot fungus or hemorrhoids.” “The poor blokes
that suffer from those aliments live with it because they
must… they have not found a way to conquer their discomfort.”
“Their hemorrhoids cause them discomfort without serving them.”
“That’s how it is with you and yer fears… especially yer low
level anxiety that itches and festers in the background noise of
yer mind.”
I know I had asked Neo to give me both barrels, but hearing what
he had to say stung like hell and so true to form I resisted the
very advice I had begged for.
I said, “Yeah but fear makes people act.”
Neo said, “Yes, but you can act by laying down on the ground as
you quiver in terror, or the terror can cause you to act
positively by running away or take strong action to deal
properly with the situation at hand.” “Anxiety is harder for
most people ta deal with… it is more insidious, because we don’t
often recognize it or we dismiss it as not being important
enough to attend to.” “This is what you do mostly and it will be
the death of ya… if not physically, then certainly spiritually
and emotionally.” “Low level anxiety wears ya down like slow
running water wears away the hardest of rocks.” “That is why if
ya really want ta acquire knowledge and personal power you have
to learn to rid yerself of fear as much as ya can, the fear that
ya need keep it, minimal and under control.”
Now I felt anxious & that I had to defend and justify my
anxiety.
I said, “Well it is natural to feel anxious when a lot of things
in life aren’t going well and you have to struggle to survive.”
Neo said, “That’s how it is fer most people.”
“How do you expect me to rid myself of most of my fears and
control the ones that I can’t,” I asked?
Neo said, “By taking positive and appropriate action.” “First ya
recognize what it is yer afraid of now and what you could be
possibly afraid that could happen to ya.” “Secondly, ya form the
best strategies that you can ta structure yer life to get rid of
what yer afraid of now, and form strategies to minimize exposure
ta things that would give ya fear.” “Thirdly, ya have ta accept
that many bad things that ya fear will happen regardless of yer
best strategies and efforts; things like illness, disability,
death and many other forms of loss.”
“Could you give me an idea of what I should do,” I asked?
Neo
paused for a minute, drinking more of his tea. I got up to make
myself more coffee. I felt that I needed the caffeine to kept my
mind alert.
Neo said, “Think of all of yer current fears.” “What are they?”
I said, “That’s easy… mainly my fears have to do with whether I
can pay my bills to keep my gym afloat, to afford to eat, and to
pay for my education and to make enough so that I can save up
enough money for my own place.” “Also, I want to have enough
money to be secure in case something happens and I can’t work.”
Neo said, “Those are common primary fears, and fer good reason.”
I said, “So how do I deal with them?”
Neo smiled and said, “Ya take action and deal with them!” “You
do whatever ya can within yer power to make money so that you
can pay yer bills and feed yerself.”
I whined, “But that is what I am trying to do.” “The job market
is really shitty around here.” “The lease on the gym is costing
me an arm and a leg and not enough money is coming in.” “I have
trouble looking for work because I have to be at the gym to
watch it.” I have to watch it much of the time because I cannot
afford to pay someone to run it when I am gone.”
I was just getting warmed up with my whining, I said, “I have to
go to school before my G.I. benefits run out and they don’t pay
squat.” “I desperately need a good education if I want to have a
career that I love and will pay me well.” “The VA requires me to
keep my attendance up regardless of how good my grades are… so
this hamstrings me further.”
Neo gazed soften as he listened to my whining rant.
He said, “Ya got yerself in a fine pickle.” “That is because ya
didn’t plan well.” Essentially ya said the hell with it I can do
it all and I don’t need ta start small and work my way up, I can
start out big.”
I said, “What’s wrong with trying to shoot for the stars?”
Neo said, “You would never think of grabbing a thousand pounds
and attempt a full squat, especially without a safety rack would
ya?”
I said, “Of course I wouldn’t, that would be stupid!”
So why did ya decide that you could go ta school full time and
invest all of yer money in a gym that also requires yer full
time and attention,” Neo asked? “What made ya think you could
open and run a business without any back up capital and without
any previous business experience?”
Embarrassed by the obvious logic of his questions, I squeaked “I
had paper routes when I was younger.” “I did
lawn work to make money and I work hard at lots of different
jobs.” “I was even a Marine.”
Neo eyes hardened and his voice got a stern edge that I had
never heard before.
He said, “Well whooptee fuckendo!” “What on Earth made ya think that
you could pull all of this off?” “Surely you must have realized
that you would be setting yerself up fer a fall?!” “I mean, you
knew that your combined ventures would be an almost no win
scenario, if not an impossible task, right?!’ “You knew this
when ya examined all of the possibilities of yer goals before
setting out on yer mission… correct?!”
Neo’s accusations and sarcasm was coming at me hard and fast.
I felt he was going well beyond both barrels of honest appraisal
that I had asked for. I felt that he was being unnecessarily
cruel and insensitive to my current situation.
I thought, “How dare this son of a bitch!”
I felt my throat choke up and my eyes start to tear up from the
humiliation that I was feeling and the frustration of not being
able to correct my lot in life. I felt that Neo was purposely
and callously trying to needle me, -- trying to prod and push
me… but I did not where or why. I felt as if I was on the verge
of weeping and ranting my pain, my humiliation and shame, my
frustration, but I swore I would not give him the pleasure.
After all it was not the manly thing to do, certainly not the
Marine thing to do!
I swore to myself that I would not run away like I did last time
when I was pressed. I swore that I would confront the worst that
he had to give and I would try to give as good as I got.
I thought, “Okay you bastard…fuck you!” But instead I stammered
and said, “I guess… I guess I didn’t really think about failing.”
Neo kept pressing, “Didn’t think about all of the possibilities
of yer goals?!” “Didn’t ya think about every conceivable back up
plan to the strategies that ya laid out ahead of time?!”
I said very weakly, “No.” “I guess I didn’t think about all the
possibilities.” “And no, I did not think about every conceivable
back up plan if things went wrong.”
Neo voice became harder, louder, “Why the bloody hell not?!” “I
know yer not lazy Vinny… far from it!” “So
what’s the problem?!”
Ashamed of my lack of proper planning and now apparent
half-assed attempt to run my life all I could mutter was, “I
guess I had too many distractions in my life.”
Neo dark face became darker and his neck corded up as his eyes
blazed gold-violet flecked and emerald bright, “What in the world
could distract ya from planning yer life to the best of yer
ability Vinny?!”
Startled by his intense ire I simple blurted out, “Lots of
things!” “My friends! My family! The women I dated! My
training!”
Before he could interject another comment I rushed on, “I guess
because I had screwed up so much in high school and since I got
kicked out of the Marines… I felt like such a failure.” “I felt
that I had to make up for lost time and opportunities.” “I was
so afraid that unless I made a lot of gigantic efforts
that my life would always be shit!”
Neo let out a long sigh that sounded like he got what he pressed
for and he said, “Ahh, there we are… finally.”
His face took on a look that was sensitive with wry mixture of
both humor and sadness as he spoke, “So there it is again, the
stumbling blocks of fear and distractions.” “You had become an
unwitting pawn and slave to yer fears and yer distractions.”
“They both caused you to procrastinate with tasks that ya needed
ta attend to, and caused you to indulge in yer distractions.”
“Submitting and indulging in both of these paths will cause
failure and missed opportunities in paths that you could have
taken…even should have taken.” “These failures and missed
opportunities cause even more fear and the tendency to become
more easily distracted.” “Yer life can become a very vicious
cycle that grows bigger and stronger as the years go by.”
“Most people never break out of the cycle.” “Most people for all
intents and purposes die spiritually, emotionally, and
intellectually,” Like I said, they become carbon-based
automatons slavishly working at jobs they hate and living lives
they despise; forever regretting the dreams they never took on.”
The dreams they could never take on because of the triple
pillars of unnecessary failure - unvanquished fear, distractions
and laziness.”
Neo sighed and his gaze seemed to go inward as he said, “It is
sad because some many young people start off in life with high
aspirations.” “They sense their open-ended potential.” “Yet they
feel the angst from not knowing the best way of tying things
together.” “Too many of them end up like the salmon in their
quest to fulfill their dreams.” The dreams and goals of youth
unanswered often become the pain and sorrow of old age”
I had calm down since I finally saw why Neo had been pressing me
so hard. I didn’t know then, like I understand now that he had
needed to get that rough with me because it was the only way to
cut to the truth of why I was screwing up so much in my life.
Still, I sensed in a rudimentary way and trusted that what he
had done was for my own good.”
I said, “I guess that I have to learn how not to procrastinate,
and how not to allow myself to be distracted by things that
won’t help me to grow.” I guess I have to learn how to deal with
fear in the manner that you have explained.”
Neo smiled and his voice was filled with soft compassion and
understanding, “That’s right mate.” “That’s the course that we
all should take.” “That’s the course I have been following
most of my life.” “This path that I have taken and you must
take…if you want to gain knowledge and personal power is the
only reason why I am still alive.” “It is the only reason that I
have come so far from the friggen mess of my earlier life.”
I said, “But how can we not have distractions.” “I can’t just
ignore my friends and my family.” “I don’t want to give up my
training or give up dating women.” “I have lots of
responsibilities… lots of people that I have to answer to.” “Does
a person have to give up their friends and family to gain
knowledge and personal power?”
Neo said, “No, but ya have to figure out the best way ta relate
ta yer friends and family.” “Ya have ta figure out the best way
to deal with yer responsibilities and yer goals and training.”
“Ya have ta figure out the best way of dealing with yer sex
drive and yer need fer intimacy and a loving relationship.” “I
suspect that sex and intimacy will be yer hardest task fer you
Vinny.”
As I guzzled my new cup of coffee, my thoughts chewed on all of
what Neo had piled on my intellectual plate. A lot of it was
proving pretty hard to digest, so I kept chewing and ruminating.
I looked up from my coffee and my thoughts and I said, “How does
a person learn the best way to deal with their friends and
family?”
Neo smiled wryly and said, “It depends.”
I cried out, “Aghh, not that depends crap again!”
Neo said, “Sorry mate, but that’s the way it is… different people
need ta be handled differently.” “And let’s not fergit that how
ya handle people depends on yer dreams and yer needs.”
“Basically, ya have ta figure out what it is that ya want out of
life and what yer friends want out of life.”
I said, “I can understand that I have to figure out what I want
out of life, but why do I have to know what my friends want out
of life.” “I don’t think it is any of my business.”
Neo laughed, “That is a typical response from people who are too
self-absorbed or naïve, or both.” “Everyone should know what
they really want, and what their friends really want; because
that is the only way you can serve each other.” “You and yer
friends must do this so that you don’t create or become a source
of unnecessary distractions for each other.”
“How is it that friends may become unnecessary distractions for
each other if we don’t help each other to serve our needs,” I
asked?
Neo looked at me as if I was a slow child and said, “Vinny, if
you don’t follow this strategy your friends will likely prove to
drag ya down or hold ya back.” “Sometimes they will do this
intentionally.” “Sometimes it is unintentional on their part.”
“This is because they simply will require attention and energy
from you with no gain for you in return.” “Any person that is
after knowledge and personal power who surrounds themselves with
friends that need a lot with nothing ta give can cripple yer
aspirations and the acquisition of yer goals.”
I said, “But being a true friend is a person who that does not
require anything from other people… you just love them.”
Neo laughed, “Yer fundamental Catholicism is showing mate.”
“Good lord Vinny, where is that rule written down?” “Don’t ya
understand that if you have friends that don’t participate in an
even positive exchange of serving each other to attain knowledge
and personal power…you end up being their enabler who really
does not serve them and they end up sucking ya dry.” “Trust me
when I say that if you harbor friends that do not share your
desire for knowledge and personal power and if they don’t
participate with you with the goal of helping each other
equally; those types of friends could very well prove ta be yer
undoing.”
Little did I realize at the time that Neo’s last statement would
prove to be prophetic, in the most causal of ways and in the
most deadly of ways.” His unknowing prophecy would time and
again prove itself to be true.”
I said, “Okay, I think I can learn to follow that advice with my
family and friends.” “I think I can learn how to pick friends
that best suit me and vice versa.” But what is wrong with me
dating women?” “I am young and single... and dating is the best
way to get to know someone.”
Neo smiled knowingly. He said, “There is nothing wrong with
dating women mate, but ya need to apply the same criteria with
the women ya date as ya do yer regular friends.”
I said, “How come you seem to think I treat the women I date
differently than my friends?”
“That’s easy mate, ya don’t root with your friends,’ said
Neo.
Confused I said, “Excuse me… root what?”
Neo said, “Agh, sorry… root means having sex.”
I thought the term was funny when referred to with sexual
connotations.
I said, “So what is wrong with me… ah having root, no wait,” I
laughed, “that sounds gay.” “What’s wrong with rooting with
women?”
Neo laughed. He got up and found himself a toothpick and
promptly sat back down. He started picking his big teeth and
alternately chewing on the toothpick.
He arched his heavy dark brows at me and said, “In of itself?”
“Nothing is wrong with rooting.” “But rooting around with
a woman that ya don’t love or ya don’t have common goals and
values with can be disastrous.”
I felt I had to defend my proclivity towards sexual indulgence.
I said, “There is nothing wrong with having great sex with a
woman your fond of.” “It is helps to keep the pipes clean
out… it’s good for both of us.” “A man
needs to have sex.” It’s good for the body.”
Neo said, ‘Yer right, sex is very important for the body.”
“Especially if ya want ta slow the aging process down.”
I thought, “Shit…I never see you with a woman Mr. high and
mighty.” But instead I said, “Well that’s my mission, to
take care of all that is important.”
Neo said, “It’s a lot more complex than cleaning yer teeth Vinny.”
If ya continue ta have sex with women that ya don’t love or have
common goals and values…it is a waste of yer time and energy at
best and it can be damaging psychologically, mentally,
physically and spiritually at worst.” “This it true for the both
of you.”
I said, “How do you mean?”
Neo said, “There is the chance fer unwanted pregnancy, STD’s,
intellectual frustration and stagnation, emotional turmoil and
pain, and the worst of it is spiritual ruination.” “The least of
it is that a woman yer having sex with requires yer time and
attention…even if it only while yer rooting.” “That is time and
attention ya could be giving to a woman you love or shares yer
goals and values, or both.”
I said, “One day I hope to find such a woman, but for now I need
sexual release.”
Neo laughed and said, “So bloody well whack off.”
I laughed and said, “I do that to keep the edge off in between
rooting with women.”
Neo said, “Did ya hear what ya just said?” “Ya said, women.”
“So?”
Neo said, “Ya complicate yer life on these issues by a thousand
fold because ya like to root rat around.”
I snickered like an adolescent hearing about the sexual act for
the first time. I said, “Let me guess root rat around means
sleeping around right?”
Neo said sarcastically, “Bright boy.” “Yes and root ratting
around is very dangerous and an incredible waste of time.”
“Aside from STD’s unwanted pregnancies, jealous boyfriends, and
obsessed wacko women…yer spiritual energy is drained when ya
have sex with a woman that ya don’t love.” “Only during a
mutually loving relationship sexual and otherwise is there a
proper exchange of energy.”
I said, “Well Neo… I am ready to live the perfect life… but I am
not sure I want to give up rooting until on the outside chance I
may meet someone I love.”
Neo said, “Ya can do everything perfect as you like ta call it
and you will fail ta attain great knowledge and personal power
if ya continue to be distracted and spiritually drained by root
ratting around.”
I said, “I’m sure I will prevail in this matter.”
Neo said, “It is highly unlikely mate.” Unless ya change on this
issue, you will be prone to pick the wrong woman even if ya
practice monogamy.” “Yer the type of passionate sexual bloke
that has tendencies ta mistake great sex as an indication that
ya found yer soul mate or some such shit.” “Following this path
may very well prove ta be yer ruination.” “Yer hunger and
attachment ta sex can only be changed or done away with by
extreme use of mental, emotional and physical reconditioning.”
Little did I realize at the time that the last two statements of
Neo’s would also prove to be prophetic.
Feeling put out and defensive I was still curious to see what
advice he had to offer… so I asked, “What type of reconditioning
would you recommend that I do?”
Neo said, “First off you got to believe that these
changes have to be made for the very logical reasons I gave
you.” If you don’t, no amount of conditioning in the world is
going to help.” “You must also want to change for logical and
emotional reasons.”
I was startled to hear Neo talk in such a strong manner without
a trace of his Australian accent and I had the feeling he
purposely did this to trigger a stronger attentiveness and
response on my part.
I said, “So even if I did all of this, life still has a way of
bring bad events.” “I quoted, “The best laid plans of mice and
men often go awry.” “There is the likelihood that I can try and
live a perfect life and be a perfect person, with perfect
intentions and perfect strategies and I could still get screwed
over.”
Neo said, “There are no guarantees in life…yes you can get
screwed over no matter what and often you will.”
Little did I realize at the time that this statement of Neo’s
would also prove to be prophetic.
I said, “The picture of the path that you are painting for a
fella to attain great knowledge and personal power sounds very
tough and fraught with danger and loneliness.”
Neo said, “I never said that what I would share with you would
be easy. I simply said that it would be the truth.” “It is the
toughest journey you could ever take…yet this path will prove in
many ways, during many times to be the most productive,
satisfying journey on a path that matters.”
Neo quoted, “As Don Juan says, it is a path with a heart.”
Neo smiles, “That is one thing of Castanada’s books that I
definitely agree with.”
For the second time that night Neo’s insightful green eyes were
once again turned inward on what seemed to be a calm and eternal
private sorrow, he said, “On this path you will often find
yerself to be truly separate from most of yer friends and
family.” “They may even recognize your separateness and they may
even vilify you because of this.”
This statement would also prove to be prophetic.
An errant thought flashed in my mind, “Neo said that I would
be walking a path with a heart.” “Did this mean he will
mentor me?” So I asked him.
Neo let out a long and heavy sigh that half sounded like
capitulation, he said, “I will not…at least not in the Carlos
Castenada sense.” “You have to learn how to train with a hundred
pounds in the spiritual, emotional and mental sense regarding
the things we talked about tonight.” “Ya have ta do this…because
what you want to do regarding those other non-ordinary realms
and realities in the spiritual-metaphysical sense requires you
to bench seven hundred pounds.”
I said, “In other words you are saying that I have to crawl
before I walk.”
Neo said, “Yes.” “I can be yer mentor in a limited friendship
sense with regards ta sharing ideas and thoughts and I may even
call ya on yer bullshit now and then.” “I hope I don’t have ta
make a habit of this, because it is really not in my nature ta
play hall monitor.”
I said, “And if I attend to all the day to day things and master
those to your satisfaction…will you teach me all the knowledge
that you possess and attain all of the personal power that you
enjoy?” “Even the other worldly stuff?”
Neo sighed and smiled, “Yes, I will do all of that... if ya
prove that yer up to the task.”
Down deep I felt that Neo did not think I was up to the task.”
“Down deep… I also had doubts.”
I feeling of dread hit me. I knew what I had to ask, “I don’t
have to give up my approach to weight lifting and meditations
until I prove I am up to the task do I?”
Neo said, “Na, pursuing the mystical power ya git from training
is not likely ta lead you astray and in fact may be the
instrument to help you to meet the mark we set for you today.”
I felt that our conversation had maxed out and I was feeling
very tired. Even Neo did not look like his highly energized
self.” He did not look tired or drained, but he seemed
uncustomarily reserve and contemplative.
I got
up, thank him for the coffee and bid him a goodnight.
As I parted company he said, “G’nite Vinny… git some rest.”
MOST PEOPLE TALK BULLSHIT:
One Primate's Search For Intelligent Life
(GENESIS)
MOST PEOPLE TALK BULLSHIT:
One Primate's Search For Intelligent Life
(EXODUS)
MOST PEOPLE TALK BULLSHIT:
One Primate's Search For Intelligent Life
(REVELATIONS)
MOST PEOPLE TALK BULLSHIT:
One Primate's Search For Intelligent Life
(JUDGMENT DAY)
ADVENTURES IN MARINE BIOLOGY
THE MARINES: GOD'S CHOSEN
WARRIORS
CONVERSATIONS WITH NEO
NEO TEACHES ME THE ART OF WAR
& PEACE;
His Version of The Matrix
MEMORIES OF MY FATHERS
ZEN & THE ART OF RESISTANCE
TRAINING:
A Yogic & Scientific Approach To Weight
Lifting
ZEN & THE BIOLOGY OF
TRANSCENDENCE:
The First Matrix of Psychic
Phenomena
ZEN & THE ART OF KINESIOLOGY:
The Yogic & Scientific
Approach To Movement
ZEN & YOUR ENERGY SYSTEMS
ZEN & VARIOUS ASPECTS OF
TRAINING
VINCE'S GYM
HOMEPAGE |
