EXCERPT FROM THE BOOK:

CONVERSATIONS WITH NEO

Neo talks about celestial beings, angels, demons, energies both draining and invigorating

      I stopped by the library to check in on Neo. As usual I knock on the door with my secret knock. It was not really a secret knock but Neo liked to give me guff about my knock because it sounds the same every time and for some reason it was unique to me. He never confused my knock with anyone else’s.

      Neo answered the door and he greeted me with in his usual “g’day Vinny.” Neo was in the middle of shelving stacks of books.

      He said, “You’ll have ta wait on getting coffee, unless ya want to make it yerself.”

      I said, “Not a problem.” I went into the break room and got a pot started.

      Neo yelled in, “Vinny put some hot water on for me if ya will; I’m going to have tea.”

      Neo loved coffee, but he never over indulged in it like I tended to. He was more of a tea and plain water kind of guy. Every now and then he would make up some concoction that was a mixture of certain juices, teas, and herbs depending on goal. Sometimes he drank certain mixtures to help purify or detoxify his body, or to fortify his system or some such thing…at least that was what he told me.

      As I was waiting for the coffee to process and the water to boil, I thought I would stand around and chat with Neo while he stacked and shelved the books. That night there was a hell of a lot of books to be shelved. He pointed to a stack of books next to a shelf that was behind me and said, “Make yer self useful mate and shelf the books in that stack on the shelf behind it.” It was not an order, but a request that he assumed that I would comply with.

      He said, “Put the books in order of the decimal numbers first and then by the author’s name in alphabetical order.

      I said, “You bet. Is it okay that we chat while we work?”

      Neo said, “Sure. What’s on yer mind?’

      I said, “We have talked about all sorts of things, such as reincarnation, out-of-the-body experiences…lots of things.”

      Neo kept working as if he was a high-speed book shelving machine. I had to take my time and look at every number and then with tedious slowness I would search the shelf to place the book exactly as Neo had instructed. I looked over again at Neo and amazingly he did not seem to pause. He placed each book exactly where it needed to go. I went over to examine his stack of books and I saw that the stack was not organized and I watched him grab a book with blinding speed, his eyes seemed slide over the numbers and name and without searching he appeared to slide the book unerringly into the proper slot.

      Half of the time he was looking away…looking at me or the stack as he slid the book into place. His rhythm was, -- pick up a book, glance at it quickly, and just as quickly place the book on the shelf in an exacting manner. I was so fascinated by the flow that I stopped and stared at what he was doing with almost autistic devotion.

      Without meaning to I started to snap my fingers very fast in tandem with his movements.

      He looked over and said, “What in bloody hell are ya doing?”

      This brought me out of my trance and I said, “How do you manage to work the books so fast?” “You are moving ten times faster than me.”

      He said, “Ya just get use to it and after awhile yer body just knows.”

      I was silent…lost in thought trying to remember what I had intended to talk to Neo about.

      Neo said, “You were asking about reincarnation and out-of-the-body experiences and lots of things?”

      “Oh right,” I said, now that I was back on track.

      The dark energy being and the dwarf that I told you about…do you think that they are real or my imagination?”

      Neo said, “I can’t be exactly sure, since it was you and not me that had the experience. But if I had to hazard a guess…I’d say that the experience was real.”

      I said, “So you believe in spirits, or that various non-human entities exist?”

      Neo said, “I entertain the possibility very strongly. In fact if you were to put a gun ta my head and you were ta force me ta come up with one answer that my life depended on being the correct answer…then I would say that there are other entities and other realities.”

      I said, “Where’s the proof?”

      Neo said, “I can’t prove it.”

      I said, “Without proof who’s to say that those types of experiences or visions are not the workings of an insane mind?”

      Neo said, “Who indeed?! If it is the workings of lunacy, then almost every major or minor religion or spiritual belief has suffered the same insanity.”

      I said, “What do you mean?”

      Neo said, “Christianity, Hinduism, Islam, Sufism, Judaism, Buddhism....the list is almost endless and they believe in other worldly entities.” “They all talk of angels, demons, jinni, vampires, banshees, elementals… even the New Testament talks about Satan, spirits, angels and demons.” “Shaman such as my Grandfather and my Uncle talked about animal spirits and guides, enteric larvae. Spiritualists run into lower astral entities, energy vampires, ghosts.”

      I said, “What do scientists talk about? I don’t imagine that they would agree with this stuff.”

      Neo said, “Even many respectable scientists talk about vortexes, and portals, power points, ley lines, psychic echoes, poltergeist, energy or psychic imprints, time-slips, geomagnetic anomalies, ghost lights.” “The UFO people talk about aliens, the Wicca people talk about fairies, gnomes, elves, trolls, elementals, and even dwarfs.” My head whipped around at this…it sounded as if he emphasized the word dwarfs with vicious amusement.

      Neo smiled at my response and said, “The Sufi and Islamic religions have different names for some of this stuff, such as Shaitan, Shaytaan or Iblis for Satan and shayatin for devils” “Practically every religion has their own names to describe similar or exactly the same things.

      Just then the teapot was whistling…the water had finally come to a boil.

      Neo said, “That is the signal fer us to take a break Vinny.”

      I was glad for the break and the coffee. Neo had thrown so much at me that my mind felt as if it was cooking my brain cells which had been overloaded with all the new and bizarre information. We sat at the table to enjoy our brew of preference. The coffee seemed to help my thoughts regain some clarity. 

      I said, “You were pulling my leg about scientists taking any of this stuff seriously, weren’t you?”

      Neo said, “No I wasn’t.” “Admittedly, most of the main stream scientists don’t believe a lot of this stuff and most of the ones that do will not admit this publicly.” “Some respected scientists have caused a flurry of heated scientific debate with their new theories.”

      I said, “Like what kind of scientists just for an example?”

      Neo said, “Some of the quantum physics and their thoughts of probabilities; some psychologists and psychiatrists, biologists, and my good mate, a noted consciousness pioneer, Dr. John C. Lilly.” “He believes in the leaky brain theory and another mate of mine Dr. Rupert Sheldrake turned the scientific community upside down just last year with his theory of morphic fields.”

      I said, “Are you saying that all of those beliefs of all those things are true?”

      Neo laughed and said, “Of course all of those things are not true.” “Most of the time people suffer from a runaway imaginations or their ignorance of how the real world works sometimes caused them to create stories of myths to fill in the blanks of their ignorance.” “Lots of these beliefs are based on bad dreams, hallucinations, psychotic breaks and so forth.”

      I said, “But you think there is a lot to this stuff?”

      Neo said, “Yes.”

      I said, “How do you or I know what types of entities or psychic phenomena really exist?”

      Neo said, “That is hard to say…I certainly do not have all the answers.”

      Neo said, “That is why I am a seeker and an explorer.”

      I smiled and said, “A celestialnaut.”

      Neo said, “Yep.” I said, “Could you fill me in on all the details of the list of entities and phenomena that you mentioned tonight?” Neo said, “No.”

      I was nonplussed and I said, “Why the hell not?”

      Neo said, “Look where yer at Vinny…in a bloody library. “This is where ya (you) need to do the research.”

      I said, “You know all about this stuff, wouldn’t it just be easier for you to tell me?”

      Neo said, “For you maybe…besides if I told you all of this stuff, how would you handle it.”

      I said, “I am not sure what you mean.”

      Neo said, “Would you take my word for it?”

      I said, “Yes…of course I would.”

      Neo said., “That’s the problem with most people is that will slavishly believe or follow what other people dictate without really examining what they are supplicating themselves to.” “I don’t believe people should blindly trust in the information that other people give them.”

      I said, “Why not?” I trust you…I don’t think you would try to mislead me.”

      Neo said, “No, but I could be wrong.” “That’s why it is important to study as much as you can things that you have questions about.”

      I said, “Then what would the sense to even bother to talk to other people?”

      Neo said, “We can talk more after you do some research and even more after you have explored both the spiritual world and the physical world. “

      Irritated and feeling more than a little resentful I said, “Could I ask you about some of the experiences that I have told you previously?”

      Neo said, “Please do.”

      I said, “The experience I had in the Marines…the one where I told you I felt like I had a real body and it was almost infinitely superior to this body.”

      I thumped my chest hard as I talked.”

      I continued, “Also what about the time I experienced my non-ordinary body coming out and then walking around Valley Forge Park and seeing the old man walking his dog?” “Do you think that they were real experiences, dreams or hallucinations?”

      Neo said, “I think your experiences were real.”

      I said, “Why do you think that?”

      Neo said, “Because when you were experiencing it the first time…in your parent’s living room…you were totally unprepared for it.” “You never read about OBE’s and no one has ever talked to you about them.”

      I said, “Not before the first one.”

      Neo said, “You were not cued or conditioned to experience your mystical opening…it happen seemingly spontaneously. “In yoga…your experience is what is referred to as “Kundalini rising” and it is fueled by a person’s sex drive.” “You were at an age where yer sexual maturity was coming fully into fruition and the sexual energies have a very dramatic effect on the nervous system and the brain.”

      I said, “Are you telling me that all young men and women experienced what I did….that everyone is keeping these experiences secret?” I felt like the little kid whose brother; sister and cousins had been warned to keep the facts of life secret from me.”

      Neo said, “No…your experience is rare, although almost all people experience powerful sexual energies at that time of their lives.”

      I said, “How rare would you say that my experiences are?”

      Neo said, “To the level of your first experience and a few of the others, very rare, but the majority of people that do experience it once never do so again…at least not in the manner you have.”

      I said, “Why do you think that is?”

      Neo said, “Because it terrifies them.” Neo said, “Other people experience what you did in Cherry Point and Valley Forge just once and they will pine away fer that experience the rest of their lives.”

      I said, “I can understand that…those experience real or not were intense and ….invigorating.”

      Neo said, “Yes that is why some people pine away so much that they become crippled…they quit focusing on the important things in this life…this reality.” “A few people have certain powerful experiences and it is too energizing for them…and they will often become admitted to hospitals begging doctors to have the experiences taken away.” I thought of these people and secretly I feared if I should be admitted to a hospital.”

      I said, “How do you know that those people weren’t just nutty and needed to be medicated?”

      Neo said, “Some of those people are bonkers but their experiences were real. Some of those people were not bonkers…but they were misdiagnosed and thought to be bonkers. A few of those people were driven bonkers because of their inability to deal with those experiences and they did not have the access to medical personnel that are educated with their phenomena and so therefore did not get the proper help.”

      I said, “Neo, to be fair to the doctors…are most people who say that they see things or experience some of the things that I have…really just mentally unstable.”

I held my breath as I sat leaning forward expectantly to Neo’s response; a response that could possibly give me a sentence that I needed medication.”

      Neo said, “Yes, most people that have experienced what you have…particularly the darker fearful trips…are batty.”

      I said, “Shit…so you’re saying that I am one of the fruit loops that is both nutty and have had real experiences.”  

      Neo laughed and said, “No…that is not what I said.”

      The thought that my experiences were an indication that my mental state was periodically unstable and that perhaps I suffered at times from a type of schizophrenia had often been on my mind since the first experience. I finally opened up to Neo and shared this long standing fear of mine.

      Neo laughed and said, “Vinny, sometimes yer neurotic as hell, but mentally ill you are not…at least not since I met you.”

      I couldn’t let it go and I said, “Yeah, but I have not had good or bad experiences like that since I left Pennsylvania.”

      I did not want to mention feeling like a salmon the time we went camping.

      Neo said, “Okay, let’s break it down and analyze yer situations.” “Aside from the first time, have you ever had one of these experiences without you actively trying to have them?”

      I said, “No…even the way I felt at times during lovemaking took a willful effort on my part.”

      Neo said, “If ya were at a business meeting, or driving yer car or doing anything that required yer full attention in this reality and unprovoked by you, -- ya left yer body and started seeing dwarfs, fairies, elves and dragons floating around….then it would be safe to say that you need to be straight jacketed.”

      Listening to Neo, I thought of Private Smiley in boot camp.”

      Neo said, “Each time ya experienced one of those states ya went for it….you had set up situations to bring them on.”

      I said, “Yeah…and most of the time I could not achieve those experiences.”

      Neo said, “There ya go mate.”

      Neo said, “Be honest…I bet that you have often done more than entertain that the better experiences were real.”

      I felt a little silly as I said, “Yes I admit it…I felt that they were real.”

      Neo said, “Tell me what it was about some of those experiences that you felt was real.”

      I struggled to find the right words…the right gestures…finally I said, “Here we are sitting at this table…I am having coffee, and you are having tea.”

      Neo was smiling and gave me an encouraging nod.

      I said, “When I look at you and everything in this room and as I look at the parts of me that I can examine there is a certain level of vividness and clarity.”

      Neo just nodded again.

      I said, “While we are talking I can feel everything around me and what I hear and think is also at a certain consistent level of vividness and clarity.”

      Neo’s eyes seemed to expand as he was sitting there intently listening.

      I said, “When I was in my room in Cherry Point, or my home near Valley Forge, --I waved my hand around the room and gestured, -- It was like this, only millions of times more vivid and more real…with more clarity.” “I did not feel that I had the limitations of my normal body…and while I felt more fully alive and in my body that I had ever felt in my entire life, I felt that I was also beyond my body.”

      Neo was still looking at me and since he did not offer any comments I felt the desire to elaborate further what I had felt.”

      I said, “What I felt was….a feeling so beautiful, so joyous I could imagine dying from the intensity of the pleasure, the goodness…or the love and bliss that I felt.” I felt a little embarrassed about what I was about to say.”

      I said, “I know it is silly, but for the first time in my life I actually thought I felt one with God….kind of silly for an atheist huh?” “Before I experienced this….I was on the road to being an atheist, if I had not already been one.”      

      Neo said, “What are you now?”

      I said, “I believe I am still an agnostic…but I know since those experiences, I am willing to entertain that there is a God and that Jesus was a man that had powers and did see things.”

      Neo eyes got a faraway look as he said, “In my father’s house are many mansions and I go to prepare a place for you.” “That was what Jesus told his disciples and many of the people of his day.” You experienced being in another room aside from this one in one of God’s many mansions.”

      I said, “What do you mean by many rooms and many mansions?”

      Neo said, “That is a metaphor to describe the different realities, dimensions, universes, time-lines, or perhaps the varying astral and ether layers that many people believe to exist.”

      I said, “I have to say it Neo… I want those good experiences to be real…I hope that that is what we all live as when we die.”

      Neo said, “Sorry mate, it is my opinion that very few people will experience that when they die.”

      I felt more than a little alarmed, dismayed and a feeling of loss to hear that from Neo.

      I said, “Why in the world do you say that?”

      Neo said, “I don’t think even you realize how much of a gift that ya got by seeing what it can be like for all of us….or at least most of us.” “Even though ya experienced that gift…if ya don’t watch and take care how ya live…you may not see that after you die.” “Instead…if you are not careful, you may experience the hellish bardos that the Tibetans speak of…the bardos where the dwarfs, the dark energy beings and other dark elementals, demons, and other such little nasties reside.”

      Hearing Neo say this shoved a knife of fear into my guts.

      I said, “Do you think that those experiences were also real?”

      Neo said, “Let me ask ya, why haven’t brush off those two incidents as merely being a bad dream?”

“Haven’t ya ever seen monsters in yer dreams or have had nightmares?”

      I said, “Well of course I have?”

      Neo said, “Then evidently, to you these experiences seemed more real than dreams.”

      Even though I had often thought of those two experiences they filled me with unease every time.

      I said, “Dreams…even if you do not realize you are dreaming vary in their intensity and constancy of vividness and clarity.” “Dreams often are silly even if the silliness seems to make sense to you during the dream…they are still silly images and events are transient or do not follow a logical sequence…for instances I could be making love with Pia Zadora in a bed and all of a sudden she looks different and we both can be tumbling down a mountainside as we still make love.”

      I said, “Very few of the dreams seemed as visually real and none of them felt as physically real as those too bad experiences.” “The dreams did not seem as hard….and my escape from bad dreams were not the same as with the dwarf or the dark energy man….especially the dark energy man.”

      Neo said, “So you’re saying it felt different than right now but just as real?”

      I said, “Yes…both times I felt as if I did not have color vision…that the world I was in was the twilight dimension between this one and another.” “I guess the best way to describe it is that the good experiences are in a higher energy dimension between this one and an infinite number of even higher dimensions on the right side of this reality that we are sitting in now.”

      I looked at Neo to determine how he was taking what I was saying. I guess because I was still insecure about my sanity and insecure about what he thought of me or of my recounted past experience.

      Neo nodded and said, “I hear ya…go on.”

      I said, “It was odd when I encountered the dwarf and the dark energy being, I did not feel as confined as I do in my body now…or as I have often in dreams.” “However, I felt that I was in the twilight dimension that was between this reality and possibly an infinite number of hellish dimensions on the left side of the one we are sitting in now.” “Being on the right side was invigorating, energizing, and filled with love….filled with God.” “Being on the left side even before encountering those evil beings was draining, confining, depressing and filled with fear and I felt desolation and did not feel filled with God…if he exists.”

      Neo laughed at my last comment and said, “Ah Vinny…spoken like a true agnostic!”

      Neo said, “Whether ya realize it or not…even those two bad experiences were a gift…at least if you look at it as lessons to learn from.”

      I said, “Oh may God! What in the hell are you talking about? Didn’t just hear what I said…they were the most hellish and terrifying experiences I have ever had.”

      Neo said, “You saw what the Tibetans talked about…what many of the religions talk about….Vinny it is said, that even Jesus went to hell and when he saw and experienced the misery all around he wept.” “The lesson is that if you or other people do not take the steps to go to the light…to the right side of this reality…then it is the left side of this reality that awaits most people.”

      I asked, “Forever?”

      Neo said, “Not likely, but for a long undetermined amount of time which is believed to be different for different people.”

      I said, “Why is it believed to be different for different people?”

      Neo said, “Different people have different strengths of personality…good and bad.” “Some people experience their fears, hatreds, grudges more intensely and perversely are more attached to them. “Other people are not “

      Neo said, “It is believed that some people or souls experience these hells and finally are able to work through some of their mental and spiritual issues and managed to find their way to God and go back to the collective consciousness of God or on rare occasions go to right side of this reality. Other people can suffer much longer and then they are absorbed.”

      I said, “So the lake of fire that unrepentant souls or sinners are thrown into for eternity of burning pain does not exist?”

      Neo said, “Na…I believe that is just a myth or metaphor.”

      A question had been niggling during the latter half of our conversation and I finally I felt I need to know the answer so I asked, “If these experiences are so rare…why do you think I managed to have not just one but a handful and how is it that you know so much about this stuff and seem to be comfortable with all of this?”

      Neo said, “I believe yer experience was due to a constellation of events and the luck of timing.”

      I said, “Okay…could you explain further?”

      Neo said, “From what ya told me and from some of yer conversation that ya shared with other people, I believe that ya were socialized different than most people and ya do not intellectualize things the same way most people do.” “You feel things as much as ya think about them.” “In fact I would go so far as to say that you intuit things more than you think about them.” “Most people mainly think about things if they give any thing that much thought at all, and they don’t feel things in the same manner that you do.” “Yer lack of social conditioning has been a good and bad thing for ya, but good in the way in that you were not exposed to negative social talk that what ya experienced was impossible.” “I think that the combination of yer lack of belief and yer lack of disbelief or knowledge of such events, coupled with yer attaining a high level of physical performance and health from yer life style of wrestling, yoga, weightlifting, hypnosis, during the time that yer sexual energies were at their zenith is what triggered the Kundalini rising fer yer first mystical opening.”

      I said, “Interesting that you feel that it was my baser sexual drives that was the fuel for this. I have always been taught that it is our baser drives which keep us from spiritual salvation.”

      Neo said, “That’s a subject fer another discussion, let’s just say fer now that sexual energies is a big plus for the acquisition of personal power and mystical openings and leave it at that.” “Before ya git me sidetracked with other questions…I think it is important fer ya ta note that ya had yer other experiences because ya looked into what happened and ya socialized with yer one workmate and by chance and lucky fer you this social interaction was positive instead of negative in response ta yer experience.” “It helped ya ta git more confirmation and confidence about yer experience.”

      I said, “Yes…if I had not spoken to him or had he and others laughed at my experience…it probably would have ended there.”

      Neo said, “I want ya ta never forgit that…that is a very important lesson that applies to many aspects in our lives.” “After ya talked to yer workmate it helped ya ta have more strength to yer belief and then you went and read up on the subject and with that ya went beyond just having feelings about it, ya started to intellectualize it and to chew over the possibilities and to chew over the memories of what ya experienced and felt during that experience.” “From that and from what ya read, yer brain…was able to extrapolate and form a new habit…. new organizational energy fields to not only recreate the experience but to be open to the other realities.”

      Listening to all of this new information from Neo my mind was beginning to spin because I could not wrap my mind around “organizational energy fields”.

      I said, “What are you talking about…organizational energy fields?”

      Neo smiled and said, “Sorry mate…I’m gitting ahead of myself. We’ll talk about that some other time.”

“Fer now let’s just say that ya were forming new cognitive, emotional and physical habits and these new habits were creating new and profound changes in yer nervous system and brain.”

      I said, “How is it that you know so much and are so comfortable with a concept that most people would think is impossible?”

      Neo said, “I have an advantage over most people, even you with regards to these types of experiences.”

      I said, “Were you not socialized because of your unusual upbringing?”

      Neo said, “No compared ta you the opposite is true. I was very socialized to the idea and belief for these experiences.”

      I said, “How come?”

      Neo said, “The people of my mother’s tribe are taught from the very moment that we are born both subconsciously and consciously that there are other realities beyond this physical plane and we are taught that we can sometimes tap into them.” “My Grandfather and Uncle were shaman and they put me through shamanistic training which teaches the shaman to go even deeper than the rest of the tribe into other realities beyond this physical one.” “Ever since I was a little Joey (Immature kangaroo) I was taught and shown that there are underworlds, the realties that you refer as to the left of this one and higher worlds, the realities that you refer as to the right of this one.”

      I said, “Are you saying that you have experienced much of the same things as I have….that you have met entities”

      Neo said, “Yeah….but not just me, my grandfather and uncle as well and some of the other people of my mother’s tribe.”

      I said, “Were the entities that I encountered do you think that they were demons or what.”

      Neo said, “I can’t tell you exactly, because since I did not go through the experience.”

      I said, “But you said that you believed that I did actually meet these entities.”

      Neo said, “Yes I do believe ya but since you were an inexperienced traveler and since you did not have an experienced guide or teacher like I had when I first journeyed it is hard fer me to be sure what sort of entities that ya encountered or their intentions.” “Also, ya had told me that ya indulged in alcohol both times the experiences were bad.”

      I said, “The first time I was drunk but not wasted…the other time…with the energy being I only had one beer.”            

      Neo said, “That does not matter.” “Yer inexperience and yer fear during yer experience could have blinded ya to the possibility that those beings could have helped ya, or at least would not have attacked ya if ya were not carrying that fear.” “The dwarf could be yer fearful mind’s representation of an entity that normally would appear as an energy pattern that yer mind normally could not wrap around, and so created an image of the dwarf, or the dwarf could have been a degradation of what it once may have been, or quite simply that is how he always had been.”

      I said, ‘What do you make of the dark energy being?”

      Neo said, “That is also hard ta say….that entity could have been trying to help you or guide you but yer fear was reflected back to you, and so a guide that was trying to lead ya may have seemed as if it was trying to hurt ya.”

      I said, “Okay, I can see that you are voicing different possibilities….but if you had to hazard a guess...what would you say their intention was toward me?”

      Neo said, “I would say most likely they were entities that wanted to feed on yer fears…and in fact they often try to instill terror in inexperienced explorers…the more intense the fear the better, because they feed off of it.”

      I said, ‘Why would do they want to feed off of fear?”

      Neo said, “Those entities don’t go to the ice box fer a snack…the only way they can sustain themselves is by drawing energy from very powerful baser emotions, such as anger, lust, and the most potent is fear.”

      I said, “How long can they sustain themselves from an occasional astral explorer?”

      Neo said, “I imagine fer awhile, but they don’t just depend on the occasional celestialnaut….they latch on and sort of ride on the people in this reality that go about their lives day to day and feed off the anger, lust and fear that most people carry around with them.” “All of these emotions are made up of distinct organized energy fields that their degraded vibratory energy fields are sustained with and in fact their fields will reflect back and resonate with the negative energy fields or negative thought and negative emotional habits that too many people exhibit every day.”

      Neo’s matter of fact attitude that these entities were common in these other realities was disturbing but the most disturbing was his assertion that these entities could be around us right now as we speaking feeding off of us like spiritual tapeworms…it made my skin crawl and I told him as much. To be honest…his indepth and clearly defined otherworldly beliefs of these forces and entities had me wondering about his sanity along with mine. I pondered who was more disturbed him or me. I thought that I would see if my feeling on the dark energy being would put holes in his beliefs or arguments.”

      I said, “I actually wrestled with the dark energy being, what would have happened if I did not break free?”

      Neo said, “What is more important is how you did break free.”

      I said, “I don’t know…I thought I was lost until I cried out for God’s help.”

      Neo said, “That was the key…you cried out for help…your desire to relinquish yer fear and relinquish yer trust to God…even if as an agnostic it was out of desperation…is why you were released.”

      I said, “What would have happened if I had not relinquished my fear and my trust to God?”

      Neo said, “Most of the time when an astral celestialnaut is in that situation the terror that they feel causes them to snap back into their bodies breaking the grip that they may be held in…and startling the person back into full consciousness.” “The entity continues to feed on the terror even after the link is broken until the person is able to calm their self.”

      I said, “What would happen if I did not think to evoke help from God… is it possible that I could not break free?”

      Neo said, “It’s possible, but unlikely.”

      I said, “What would happen if it did?”

      Neo looked at me with dead earnest and said, “You would die.” “The body cannot live without the mind.”

      I said, “You said, that some of these entities attach themselves to people…isn’t that possession?”

      Neo said, “Welll….sort of, but not exactly.”

      I said, “Do you think that a person would have to fear their ordinary body being taking over while they are exploring in their non-ordinary body.”

      Neo said, “No…not really… it’s not like in the movie ‘The Exorcist.” “True demonic possession like that is extremely rare.”

      Feeling the hackles on my neck stand up I said, “But you’re saying it can happen?”

      Neo said, “Yes, but don’t git alarmed it is very rare?”

      I said, “If you’re saying it could happen…how can you expect me not to be alarmed?”

      Neo said, “Only people that have suffered massive abuse during childhood or people for some dark reason invite that type of possession to take place may experience that, and the people that suffer the abuse also somehow invite another to take up residency with them.”

      I said, “Shit! All of this talk gives me the shivers.” “I told you about those two occasions that I had the beer and then met those two bad entities….yet you still think that they were real instead of an alcohol induced hallucination.”

      After all of those years I had been desperately hoping that it was due to having one or more beers. There was a part of me that would have preferred to find that I was insane than to have knowledge of the possibility that entities and those hellish realities could actually exist. I was banking on Neo to tell me that those two incidents were due to an alcohol induced psychotic break.

      Neo said, “Drinking large quantities of alcohol can have people hallucinate…but not one beer.”

      I thought, “Shit, he didn’t tell me what I wanted to hear.”

      Neo said, “Drugs and alcohol should be avoided by anyone who is actively pursuing exploration into non-ordinary realms.”

      Now I was feeling defensive that he was chiding me for foolishly using alcohol so I reflexively argued a defense for this habit.

      I said, “I don’t think it’s so bad to have a few beers…it makes it easier to keep myself relaxed for this type of meditation.”

      Neo looked alarmed and he said, “You mean you actually used alcohol to help you reach those states.”

      I said, “Not all the time…just a few times to help keep me from getting jacked up.”

      I felt I needed to defend my actions and I hurriedly added, “I seem to stay in the initial feelings longer…what’s the big fuss?”

      Neo said, “Why don’t you use steroids to help you build your strength?”

      I said, “Because I want the challenge of doing it without drugs…I don’t want to be dependent on the drugs…. I trailed off because I saw where he was going.”

      Neo said, “Trying to achieve those bliss states while you are using alcohol or drugs if very dangerous.”

      Neo said, “Have you ever reached one of those wonderful states while you were drinking alcohol?”        Embarrassed I said, “No.”

      Neo said, “Did you even get close?”

      Again I had to say that I didn’t.

      Neo said, “The times that you managed to have a non-ordinary state while you were drinking beers, what was it like?”

      I remembered the few times that Angelina and I had a few beers and then made love and then afterwards managing to look down on our motionless bodies.

      I said, ‘Every time I could only see in black and white and maybe various shades of grey, and it was dreary…even when I did not see other entities.”

      Neo said, “Alcohol and other drugs sedate and depress certain centers of yer brain that are essential to experience transcendence.” “You would never have a beer while you were training would you?” I said, “No, it would impair my performance.”

      Neo said, “Yes and so it does with anything you are trying to maximize yer performance or experience.”

      Neo seemed to have a pat answer for most of my questions. In some ways I thought I should feel better about my prior experiences….in other ways I felt more dread. I also was trying to get a handle on both of our individual mental states. I usually loved hanging out with Neo…but even though I thought that I was much stronger than Neo….at times he scared the hell out of me. Sometimes I was scared for me…other times I worried for him.

      I thought if I continued to keep questioning him I would find a crack in his reasoning and then I would be able to bring him back to earth or get more of a handle on what I had gone through. The fact was I was not entirely sure what I wanted or where all this was going. 
      

      I said, “You said that that my experiences both the good and bad is very rare.”

      Neo said, “Yes that is correct.”

      I said, “You mentioned that I had these experiences because of the constellation of events and lucky timing.”

      Neo said, “Yes.” I said, “Then you said that I had even more experiences because of what I had done to habituate having these experiences or because I changed certain organization energy fields or some such shit.” Neo laughed and said, “Yes, or some such shit.”

      I thought I had been very clever by using Neo’s Socratic methods against him and I was confident that I had pinned him to the wall.

      I said, “How come that I have not had a lot more of these mystical experiences?” “I have practiced the methods to reach the non-ordinary states more times than I can count.”

      Neo said, “How many times have you bench four hundred pounds or over…you have trained more times than you can count.”

      I said, “Maybe three times.”

      Neo said, “In fact you have had more of the non-ordinary experiences than you have benched four hundred pound and I bet you trained a thousand times more to increase yer strength than you have to reach non-ordinary states.”

      Neo said, “It does take a lot of practice to achieve excellence in any area.” “Besides not training that much for those experiences ya have other things that are getting in yer way to keep this from happening.”

      I sighed and tried to joke and I said, “I know I shouldn’t drink and fly.”

      Neo smiled and said, “Funny guy….no I wasn’t talking about alcohol…I was talking about your fears.”

      I was startled...this is not what I expected and his accusation made me overly sensitive. First Neo was pointing out my occasional indulgence in alcohol as if I was a weak lush then he was accusing me of being a fearful Nancy-boy?”

      Defensively I said, “I am no more fearful than most people.”

      Neo said, “That’s true, in fact you are not near as fearful as most people….or I should say that you do not suffer from the same types of fears.”

      Somewhat mollified by his admission that I was not near as fearful, I was now interested in what types of fears I suffered from and why I did not suffer the same fears that plaque most people, & so I asked hiim.

      Neo said, “We all have insecurities and fears…especially when we are young.” “From what you have told me of yer past and judging from the conversations you have had with yer mates at the gym…You have had your share of trials and tribulations.” “But you do not suffer from the same type of crippling fears that cripple the majority of people.”

      I was curious as to what he was referring to so I asked, “What kind of fears are you talking about?”

      Neo said, “Most people suffer from the fear that they are inadequate, unworthy and because of this they suffer from the demon of jealously.” “Most people…even people who come from families more stable than yours.” “This fear is socialized into most people by their parents, their peers and their families and it creates the psychology that more is never enough.” “It causes people to covet and then to suffer by comparison to the things or people that they covet.”

      Neo said, “Most people want more money, a bigger house, a new sports car, a better job, more sex partners, better looking sex partners, fame.” He “They want to be smarter, better looking, stronger, faster, and if they are in the top ten percent of the population they want more....and if they reach the top one percent the want to be better still.”

      I said, ‘I can understand the desire to improve, I want that for myself.”

      Neo said, “Yes…I want to keep evolving also, but people who suffer from jealousy are never content as long as someone else is perceived as having anything more or better than them.

      Neo said, “You are different than most people because you do feel like you have many flaws and shortcomings and yet you are not eaten up from jealousy.”

      I said, “I have acknowledged all my life that there are lots of people that have something over me.”

“I even believe that almost everyone has a talent that I do not have.” “I feel as though almost everyone could teach me something.” “The majority of people do not like to hang around people that have more of this or that because of the hate and self loathing that it brings out in them.”

      I was feeling smug about not having this type of fear and I said, “If I felt that way towards everyone that had something more than me….I would never leave my room.”

      Neo said, “Despite yer own admission that you have many areas in yer life to improve…you really like yourself and you admire people that have more than you.” Neo looked at me intently and I was starting to wonder when the boom was coming.

      I said, “What fears do you think I have?”

      Neo said, “A lot of the people eaten up by jealousy are also crippled by the same fears you have…not all of these people, but most of them.”

      I said, “Okay…get on with it already.” Neo said, “You may like your self but you have a terrible fear of commitment.”

      Neo said, “This fear keeps your from truly experiencing total intimacy with women and it keeps your from demanding more from yer friends and relatives.”

      I said, “Well I’m just not ready to settle down because I am not financially set.” “I don’t think it is necessary to demand that much from anyone…I think it is necessary to be as self sufficient and independent as possible.”

I tried to be glib with Neo and I said, “Well you know what they say, those who travel farthest…travel alone.”

      Neo got quieter...more intense in manner and tone.

      He said, ‘You hide yer desire and fear of commitment by yer sexual promiscuity.” “You do that as a way to hide yer hunger and yer inability to trust and open to love and commitment.” “You don’t demand much from yer friends and family, yet you blindly give your trust in people without requiring them to earn that trust.”

“That is because down deep you are afraid that they will also disappoint you.” “You demand much because key people in yer early life did not give much….and you do not commit because aside from yer mother…no one has shown adequate ability to commit.”

      Neo’s dissection of my fears and my life was too exacting, he layed my soul bare. It brought back in aching detail my epiphany with Angela and many of the women that I had disappointed…women who I knew wanted me but at times I thought deserved better. A rush of emotions was choking me and I feared I would breakdown. I stood up abruptly knocking against the table causing both of our second or third cups of coffee and tea to slop all over the table.

      I curtly choke out, “I got to go! I got things I got to do!” and then I ran out of the library as fast as possible. I jumped on my motorcycle and sped off into the chill night air.”

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