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EXCERPT FROM THE BOOK:
MOST PEOPLE TALK BULLSHIT
- One Primate's Search For Intelligent Life
I Hated To Meet Kathy's
Father – Mr. Granite
I became infatuated with a girl I shall call Kathy. She was a
year behind me and was tall, blonde and beautiful. Sweet Jesus
she was stacked… and hopefully in my favor! The fires of my
fantasies were fanned into burning attraction that was both
powerfully consuming and mutual. As you can imagine, I made
every effort to have sex with her. It was all I could think
about when I was with her and my studies which had been
lackluster up until that point in my life was now in the
dumpster.
I use to endlessly fantasize,
“I hope she just touches my chubby’. Oh,
God… please touch it.”
And
the first time that Kathy did, I was overjoyed with delight, and
thought, “God, she touched it. Oh, Yes! I like how
she’s rubbing it a lot!”
On one occasion, during her lunch break, not mine, (I was
skipping class), in the courtyard outside the cafeteria, we
immersed ourselves in single-minded fully clothed all out
foreplay. So singular and focused was our attentions to our dual
pleasure…we lost awareness of everything around us. Our bodies
started straying outside the bounds of normal social protocol.
That is, until, the school’s disciplinarian, Mr. Dorn, finally
came out to separate us like two mindless dogs humping at a
church gathering.
The inevitable day came when Kathy nervously informed me that
her father had invited me to dinner. They had a house on Valley
Forge Mountain, a pricey neighborhood where only the cream of
society lived. It was, in fact, one of the more expensive one’s
close to Upper Merion Township. It is where my Godfather, a
multi-millionaire, also chose to live.
The evening of apprehension and uncertain expectations finally
came. That day she and her father pulled up in front of the
school, in a very expensive car. (I did not want my parents
clued into my secret sexual ambitions). His daughter, the object
of my lust, sat next to him, demur and obedient He commanded her
to stay in the car as he got out of his car and sauntered over
to greet me.
He was medium height, with a broad shouldered, tightly knit
frame. Also surprisingly unusual for a man his age, he sported a
trim flat waist. I could tell he possessed real strength and
agility, as if he spent hours on the handball court and heavy
bag.
He had a thick head of dark hair that was aggressively changing
to steel-gray, a handsome face, and features that were long and
chiseled without being broad; in the center of his face was a
strong nose. His eyes were gray and set behind slightly tinted
steel-framed glasses, with well-defined eyebrows, hinting that
could be very expressive. He was wearing what appeared to be a
very expensive suit and tie. It fit him so well a worn
expression ‘tailor-made’ came to my mind.
Now that we were face-to-face, he extended his right hand to
shake mine. The fingers were broad, tanned, and he had a grip
that was very firm…not inappropriately so, but enough to let me
know his hands could be strong as a vise if need be. As we shook
hands, his smile seemed natural, yet at odds with his granite
features. His eyes smiled, but lacked warmth, though his smile
was not false nor was his demeanor cold. He was simply showing
me courteous friendly reserve that a top CEO of any powerful
corporation would show to someone being considered to operate
within his sphere of influence.
The force of his physicality and personality was powerful, yet
subdued. My teenage primate brain quickly analyzed that if I
were to wrestle, box, or tussle with this man, I would be in for
the fight of my life. The term that came to mind was velvet and
iron. He was all iron, with a veneer of velvet thick enough to
smoothly suit his needs.
He looked at me appraisingly. “Finally, I get to meet the young
man that my daughter can not quit talking about. I have been
looking forward to meeting you. It’s a pleasure to get the
chance to have dinner and conversation with you.”
As uncertain as I was, I did not have a problem meeting his
worldly appraisal as I shook his hand firmly. I had been taught
that was what men did: look each other square in the eye in
greeting or conversing. However, as I said, I was nervous as
hell as I felt that this evening I would be measured, weighed,
and evaluated, so it was only a matter of time to see whether I
would be found lacking or not.
My voice husky from stress, I managed to choke out, “It’s nice
to meet you, sir.” Mr. Granite opened the passenger side door
and politely invited me to take a seat next to his daughter.
As we drove towards Valley Forge Mountain, he tried to make me
comfortable with chit-chat about how beautiful a day it was and
how the trees were stunning as they changed into their fall
colors.
We got to his house that was, of course, beautiful, very large
and decorated just so, though not to the point of making his
visitors uncomfortable. In fact, he had made his place quite
welcoming, but I could tell he paid a lot of attention to detail
in regards to his home environment.
“He’s even cleaner and more organized than my dad or Jake”,
I thought.
Mr. Granite made an off-hand comment as he gestured with his
hand at the interior of his house, “It’s not much, but my
daughter and I find it cozy.”
“It’s very nice,” I said.
At that moment, an extremely large, powerfully built Doberman
pinscher tumbled noisily down the stairs. Noticing that the dog
carried more muscle than that breed normally does did nothing to
ease my anxiety. As it quickly came towards me with such speed,
my anxiety went to new levels.
Mr. Granite snapped out a command, “Easy Cerberus.” The dog
slowed into a casual pace as it came towards me.
Mr. Granite said, “Its okay, he just wants to check you out.
Just let him sniff you until he’s satisfied,” he instructed.
I
thought, “How about if I sniff you until I’m satisfied?”
He
didn’t show it outwardly, but I could not help but think Mr.
Granite was enjoying my discomfort.
I looked apprehensively at the dog as he gave my hand and crotch
a vigorous and through sniffing, using so much force that my
body stumbled backward.
I
thought, “It is said that people pick pets that look and act
like them.” This thought did nothing to put me at ease.
An errant thought entered my mind: I wondered what would have
happened if I pulled out an erect penis and started to hump the
dog’s face. Inwardly I laughed at the thought knowing that in
actuality that would set the tone of the relationship with Kathy
and her father to a different level
Eventually, Cerberus seemed satisfied that I posed no danger to
his family, though it appeared he would have rather contented
himself with a few hours of pressing his nose into my ‘chunky
monkey’.
Mr.
Granite finally snapped his fingers and the dog obediently laid
down where he could keep an eye on me. Mr. Granite had a slight
smile of satisfaction as if enjoying some private humor.
He said, “I have to get dinner ready for us. I prepared most of
it earlier in the day, but it will take another hour before it
is ready for the table. Oh, by the way, how do you like your
meat cooked?”
Always putting my stomach right up there with sex, polite…I
eagerly said, “Medium-rare would be great, sir.”
He looked at his daughter with obvious affection, “Sweetheart,
why don’t you show Lazarus your room and play some music if you
want. This will give you lovebirds a chance to have some time
together. Keep your bedroom door open. Is that clear?”
She smiled, went over to her father, and gave him a loving peck
on the cheek. I could tell she adored her father and that she
was a little apprehensive. She wanted her dad to like me and she
wasn’t certain where my standing was at the moment.
As we went to her bedroom, I heard her father snap his fingers.
Cerberus got up to follow us to her room where he planted
himself against the wall in the hallway so he could keep his
canine attentions on me.
In her room, we made a sorry pretense to talk, but ended up
making-out with a begrudging chasteness we were unused to
practicing instead.
Between furtive kisses and caresses, Kathy mentioned they had
lived at Valley Forge Mountain since she was a little girl. She
made no mention of a mother, nor did I hear about one from her
father. There were no pictures of anyone in the house other than
Kathy and her father.
I was wondering if, perhaps, her mother had died, gotten
divorced, run away, or, perhaps, had been fired from the
position of wife and mother. I never asked.
Finally Mr. Granite called out pleasantly that dinner was ready.
As Kathy and I went back into the kitchen, Cerberus dutifully
followed us; or, I should say, followed me? Her father directed
us to our chairs, placed in front of me a large plate with filet
mignon’, baby asparagus covered in some sort of sauce, baby red
potatoes, spinach marinated in olive oil and garlic, and sweet
corn. Next to the plate was a large bowl with a healthy-looking
Caesar salad. Kathy’s Father gave me several options of
beverages to drink. I asked for milk.
Once the food was served, he looked at each of us, “Let’s dig
in.”
Not needing to be coaxed when it came to eating, I immediately
complied. No sooner had I put a piece of the filet mignon’ into
my mouth, Cerberus ran over towards me. He actually put his
face above my plate to sniff and salivate over my food. I
couldn’t help but notice that he didn’t do this with Mr.
Granite’s plate nor with Kathy’s.
This
made me suspicious as to why he was leaning disrespectfully over
mine. Although I did not see Mr. Granite give any cues to the
dog, judging from the look of mild amusement on his face, the
thought crossed my mind that he had subtly commanded the dog to
bother me.
Reflexively I pushed the dog’s snout away from my food. My
primal desire to protect my food overrode my fear of the dog.
Cerberus, not used to anyone pushing him away, started pushing
his snout back to my plate with aggressive insistence, making
barely suppressed growling sounds of displeasure.
During this moment of stress, another errant thought crowded
into my mind. Suddenly, I took the fork and jammed it into the
dogs eye and quickly took the steak knife and deftly slit the
rude dog’s furry throat causing spurting gouts of blood to spray
all over the table.
It was then that both Kathy and Mr. Granite chided the dog for
its rude behavior; breaking my morbid reverie. Mr. Granite
snapped his fingers and the dog immediately obeyed, going over
to the wall to lie down and watch me with baleful eyes.
As if nothing had happened, Mr. Granite said, “It’s nice to be
able to sit down comfortably with you over a nice meal and
finally get to know you. My daughter really likes you, though
these days she seems to be having trouble concentrating on her
studies.”
I felt a mixture of pleasure, embarrassment, and foreboding
hearing of Kathy’s interests in me. Kathy smiled and blushed
from embarrassment at her father’s direct remark.
He leaned in towards me, after swallowing, and said, “I keep
telling my daughter that school is very important if you want to
make it in life. It is very important that she do as well as
possible so she can be accepted at the best colleges.”
He looked reflective as he sipped his red wine, “Only by going
to the best colleges and doing well in college can you hope to
assure a good standing in the world.”
I did not like the direction this conversation was taking. He
looked at me with direct frankness. “Would you agree that it is
important to do well in school?”
Despite my lackluster attendance at Upper Merion I managed to
mumble, “Yes sir… I think you are right.”
“How are you doing in school Lazarus?” he asked as he was
putting a baby red into his mouth.
Looking over at Kathy, I could tell she was also uneasy with the
interrogation. I looked back at Mr. Granite, “Well... ah… I am not
doing as well… ah, as I should,” I stammered. I made a rush to
say more, “I am not doing as well as I am capable of,” I
strongly asserted.
He pinned me with a look of discrimination, “Oh… and why is
that,” he asked emphatically.
I started to stumble and stutter, “I don’t know… ah… a lot of
things in my life… ah problems in my life… I have been
distracted... things got a little out of hand... I guess,” I
trailed off lamely.
With a sound of disappointment he sighs, “Hmmn, I see. Well… you
need to attend to your grades if you want to go to college and
make it in this world.”
As if on cue, Cerberus abruptly got up and came over to push his
snout back into my food. Once more I tried to push him away and
again he growled his displeasure. I could feel my testicles
threatening to ascend into my abdomen as the steak knife
twitched in my hand. Determined to not let the dog’s dripping
saliva deter me from finishing what was on my plate, I simply
took my fork, scraping it over the steak before making another
push at the dog. Whether Mr. Granite had signaled the dog to do
this or not, it had now become a matter of pride as well as
hunger. I was determined to eat everything, regardless of how
much dog saliva covered my food.
As I defiantly shoved another piece of filet in my mouth, I
thought smugly “It’s still tasty.” Kathy was getting mad
and her anger seemed aimed at both her father and the dog. She
tried to pull Cerberus away from my plate, but failed.
Mr. Granite had what appeared to be a slight smile on his face.
“Bad dog,” he said unconvincingly. Then he snapped his fingers
and the dog immediately returned to his spot near the wall. He
was still looking at me balefully, as Kathy did the same at her
father.
Mr. Granite looked over at my food and said with concern, “I am
really sorry Lazarus… I just don’t know what has gotten into
him.” Kathy was still staring daggers at her father.
Still the congenial host, he said with affected concern, “I can
get you some more food if Cerberus made a mess out of yours.”
Mr. Granite was in complete control of himself and the entire
event. I could tell that he was more than a little amused,
though still not being too obvious about it. I felt totally out
of my league.
Still, I was determined to show I was not to be so easily
intimidated, which I was, and not so easily defeated,
which I felt I was not. I made a big show of casual fearlessness
as I kept shoveling the food into my mouth. “Excellent… you’re
a great cook,” I said to him as I kept chewing.
This show of bravado seemed to garner me a little bit of
begrudging respect from him. It also seemed to ease the tension
that Kathy was giving off.
Mr. Granite sipped his wine while continuing his appraisal,
“What do you plan on doing with your life… are you going to go to
college?”
There was no way I could tell him that at barely fifteen years
of age I was a complete misfit, failing in everything dealing
with school, and that my life was fast becoming a complete
mess. I struggled with what I should tell him, so, instead of
my pitiful performance, I decided to see if I could dazzle him
with my dreams and fantasies.
In uncertain tones I said, “I have thought a lot of becoming a
zoologist.”
Looking politely at me as he nibbled on his food, he said, “What
does it take to get into a college to become a zoologist? What
sort of subjects have you had to prepare yourself for a degree
in zoology? Does zoology provide you with a good living?”
“Shit! That’s three questions I have to answer,” I
thought.
I mumbled and stumbled as I explained the courses I would have
to bone up on and I had to admit that being a zoologist did not
provide a good income until you reached Marlin Perkins’ status.
I could tell he was not impressed with me as a person and
certainly not as a romantic prospect for his daughter; I was
rapidly losing my standing in the interrogation.
Mr. Granite put down his fork, chewed on his food, wove his
fingers together, and leaned towards me, asking, “What are your
intentions and future plans concerning my daughter.”
Kathy protested, “Dad!”
I thought, “Aw shit… here it is. The
subject has finally come up.”
I couldn’t very well tell him the truth and say, “Well sir,
all I can think about these days is to bury my cock to the hilt
in your daughter’s white purebred pussy! Then we could rut like
a pair of depraved wolverines until we both die from exhaustion.”
Even
though I suspected he already knew this, I didn’t think that was
what he would have tolerated hearing from a fifteen year old
sex-crazed Italian thug.
I
often wish I could go back in time and tell him just that. It
would have been interesting to see how that might have taken our
relationship to a new level.
Instead, I procrastinated, saying anything as my mind raced for
an answer that would not anger him and one that he would buy.
His eyebrows arched as he awaited my answer.
Feeling hard pressed from this interrogation, I mumbled and
stumbled, “Well…I just like being with…with your daughter, I
really like spending time with her…you know.”
He
didn’t buy my explanation. “Yes, I know,” he said with the
insight only a man who had once been a horny teenage boy would
have. I felt miserable about how quickly the dinner was
degenerating.
Again Cerberus came over to my plate and shoved his nose into
the food. Again Kathy pulled on the dog, yelling at both the dog
and her father. Again Mr. Granite softly scolded, “Bad dog.” It
seemed to take him longer to snap his fingers this time. Again I
made a show of casually enjoying my dog saliva-soaked food.
I looked at Kathy and she looked miserable. I looked at the dog
who stared back at me unblinking and growling. I looked at Mr.
Granite who looked cool, powerful and in control of his world;
it was business as usual for him. I knew that I had been
measured, weighed, evaluated, and found lacking.
“That’s his genius,” I thought, “to have people around
him judge themselves in the harsh light of reality.” I made
a move to salvage the evening to the best of my ability. I
really did not put much thought on it. I believe it was more of
a brainstem primate response towards pleasure and survival. The
first order of business is to do everything you can to achieve
your prime directive. I looked him square in the eye as I
picked up my plate and said, “The food is delicious. May I have
a second helping?”
Mr. Granite looked at me and, without missing a beat, split his
hard face with a smile, “My pleasure Lazarus, I’m glad you like
the food.”
We both knew this would be the last time I had dinner over at
his house. We also both knew that his daughter was safe from me.
Afterwards, I avoided Kathy at our usual private school haunts.
She was confused and hurt that my cowardice and neglect and it
hurt her to the bone. Her pain was like a knife in my guts and
too much for me to handle. How I could I explain to her that I
was still an immature and insecure ass who feared commitment?
How could I make her understand that I was burdened with the
need that drove me with a single-minded devotion to get laid?
Along with my cowardice and my selfish obsessions was my
inability to articulate that her father had held me up to the
harsh light of reality and found me horribly undeserving for his
daughter... at least in the manner that he reckoned worthiness.
How could I explain that to the core of my being that I saw
myself in the same lenses as her father.
I lamented that I was just a self-indulgent, academically
incompetent ape and that I was unwilling, perhaps incapable of
staying chaste until I graduated college and became successful
enough for her father. My prime directive was to have sex and
her father would never allow that opportunity to occur. I left
her with her pain and followed my baser instincts and
capitulated to my insecurities.
Looking back, I want to be like him when I have daughters.
He should be the patron saint for all men that wish to protect
their daughters from thugs like I used to be.
He is
my hero.
MOST PEOPLE TALK BULLSHIT:
One Primate's Search For Intelligent Life
(EXODUS)
MOST PEOPLE TALK BULLSHIT:
One Primate's Search For Intelligent Life
(REVELATIONS)
MOST PEOPLE TALK BULLSHIT:
One Primate's Search For Intelligent Life
(JUDGMENT DAY)
ADVENTURES IN MARINE BIOLOGY
THE MARINES: GOD'S CHOSEN
WARRIORS
VINCE'S GYM
CONVERSATIONS WITH NEO
NEO TEACHES ME THE ART OF WAR
& PEACE;
His Version of The Matrix
MEMORIES OF MY FATHERS
ZEN & THE ART OF RESISTANCE
TRAINING:
A Yogic & Scientific Approach To Weight
Lifting
ZEN & THE BIOLOGY OF
TRANSCENDENCE:
The First Matrix of Psychic
Phenomena
ZEN & THE ART OF KINESIOLOGY:
The Yogic & Scientific
Approach To Movement
ZEN & YOUR ENERGY SYSTEMS
ZEN & VARIOUS ASPECTS OF
TRAINING
MOST PEOPLE TALK BULLSHIT:
One Primate's Search For Intelligent Life
(GENESIS)
HOMEPAGE
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