I Wanted To Become A Priest – Order of The Thorn Birds?

      Catholics are part of a huge subsidiary in God’s corporate structure.

      My mother submitted exposing herself to this social contagion and converted over to Catholicism to make the transition into her new Italian family easier. She figured that if became Catholic and learn to cook that would appease my Grandmother. She could not become Italian however, my Grandmother never forgave her for this, nor did she really accept her.

      All this bullshit was the reason why I went to Catholic school. There are a lot of religious customs and ceremonies that the Italian Catholics love to indulge in. The first one I had to endure was the ritual of being baptized and my father’s best and closest friend since childhood was to become my Godfather.

      The Italians and the Sicilians believe that the world is so tough that a boy needs the resources and guidance from two fathers if they are to have any chance to do more than simply survive in this world. (As I went through life, I have often wished that I could have gone through life with one conscientious mentor).

      My Godfather grew up to become one of the richest men in Pennsylvania and one of his sons is a very famous professional athlete and celebrity in his own right. He grew into a very handsome, authentic and modest young man. Once, I googled him on the internet and I was amazed to see how many official and unofficial fan sites that are dedicated to him.

God bless him, his many years of discipline and hard work has paid off for him.

      Anyway, after the ritual of having a Godfather assigned to me then we Catholics have Communion and by third grade we are Confirmed. Communion is the first act of becoming initiated and welcomed into the Catholic order by participating in the ritual of cannibalism of eating the body of Christ and drinking the blood of Christ. In this ritual they use a bread wafer and a sip of wine.

       Confirmation is a sacrament in which the Holy Ghost is given to those of us who are already baptized in order to make us strong and perfect Christians and soldiers of Jesus Christ.

Also, it is important to be baptized; otherwise babies that are not baptized do not have their original sin washed away or forgiven. Our original sin is what we inherited from Adam and Eve who were once sinless. But because they disobeyed God, they carried a sin that is past down to all of their ancestors.

      Sort of like a genetic defect that is past down from your ancestors. Or perhaps like a debtors note or a tax debt that is never paid off unless you get a wavier from God’s intermediaries. For some reason God’s chooses not to give this wavier himself but prefers an imperfect human who has risen to the level of priest in a church to give you a wavier on the debtors note on your soul by putting you through the ritual of baptism.

      The unfortunate baby who dies before going through baptism, or if the baby’s parents for one reason or another neglect to have the baptism, the baby will go to a place that is not heaven. Heaven is like a country club for members only and of course you need the first membership pass by being baptized.

      God in his infinite wisdom keep the babies or people that have not sinned or have lived good lives in a place called limbo. Limbo is not really hell, there are no demons poking at your flesh with pitchforks, there is no one being boiled in oil or having their flesh burned or devoured for an eternity… THANK GOD.

 Limbo is just the equivalent of waiting in line at a DMV for eternity. For an eternity you just wait in line holding your number - never making it to the counter. In limbo if you do, you are always doomed to be dealing with a person who was a Postal Supervisor or Postal plant manager in their previous Earthly existence who committed minor sins. Their task in limbo is to process the claims of the people with all skill, caring and competence that they displayed when they worked for the Postal Service.

On second thought, who was it that said limbo is not really hell?

      You couldn’t trick God or his minions by illegally immigrating into heaven from limbo because for an eternity they had gotten their “Homeland Security” down pat. They have legions of border patrol angels to smite those impetuous souls that dare to enter the Heaven uninvited.

      You couldn’t lie or bring forth forged documents of being baptized, or participating in your first holy communion, or being confirmed. In Heaven they literally have files of every person ever born indexed and cross-indexed.

      Nowadays they have search engines such as Google, Lexis-Nexus and a variety of search engines that will not be released to us for a few centuries. That’s because God has to run a tight ship on his monopoly.

      Information and technology from heaven is handed out parsimoniously over eons; sort of the same way that our military industrial complex sells arms to friendly and unfriendly nations. They only give out second hand or older generation stuff and keep the new and superior stuff for themselves. It’s all about control. They can’t have us primates getting too cocky.

      In fact Heaven has become a corporate entity. Its formal name is now “Heaven Amalgamated Inc”, but everyone still refers to it affectionately as just Heaven.

      Most people don’t realize it, but Earth is actually part of this grand corporation. Just think of Earth as the mailroom for heaven. It’s where most people get their start. You have to work your way up if you want to earn your wings.

      Most people don’t realize it, but God is both the creator and CEO of all creation and he can never be voted out…unless he wants to drop out.

      There have been however, a lot of people in his many subsidiaries that have accused God of being an absentee CEO, sort of like Ken Lay or Jeffery Skittle of Enron encouraging the shareholders to put everything they have into a spiritual 401K. (Not very comforting for many people).

      Personally, I believe that God just doesn’t like to micro-manage. He is a lot like the way President Reagan was, big on delegating many Universal duties and policies. Some of his distracters claim that God does this so that he can insulate himself and fall back on plausible deniability whenever the shit hits the fan anywhere in his empire. (Just like the CEO’s of Enron). I think that there may be something to this and of course the mechanisms of chaos and entropy pretty much insures this. 

      Now here’s the kicker…God created Satan and his minions. He also invented chaos and entropy as a tool to keep the whole damn hornets nest stirred up. He can make these tools disappear or even suspend them, if it serves his needs to do so. But like any good politician he has most people focused on all universal problems instead of the actual solutions. This keeps everyone in his empire fearful about every aspect of his or her lives and fearful for the future. This is another way to keep most of us towing the corporate line.

      This technique as been copied slavishly by the Postal Worker’s Unions and they have honed this technique to a fine edge… especially the Postal Clerks Union. They understand that for them, Satan, (Post Master General) his demons, (Board of Governors and his various hierarchy of management) chaos (Government legislators, and other parties and people of conflicting self interest) and entropy (Lack of drive and overall apathy) is important. They can actually do more than they let on to alleviate chaos or entropy.

      But instead they use this as an excuse that things cannot improve and it gives them great latitude for plausible denial. It helps them to rule through a tool that they created called ORGANIZED DESPAIR. This way like many religious organizations, they convince their flock of sheep that they hold the keys to the kingdom…they are the ones to anoint those who tow the corporate line. 

      To emphasize that Heaven has become a corporate entity and to be fair to God, it hasn’t always been thus. But the greed of man and the desire for a minority of energetic, yet supremely insecure human primates to lord it over and control the other human primates; all in the guise of being concerned for the health, safety and God given rights of all primates. Also in the guise of protecting and championing the rights of the majority of God’s flock of sheep. So after the seventh day, God realized that many human primates were making a cluster-fuck of his perfect world. He also realized that the majority of the sheep were not just content to submit their will to him; but they were more than happy to comply and submit their will to the minority of energetic insecure primates that desired greatly to be big fishes in a small pond.

      In fact, much to the surprise and pleasure of the insecure primates, the majority of the flock was content to remain stupid and lazy and to actually readily flip over to help the leaders of their myriad organizations to shear their fleece.

      God saw all of this and was sadly disappointed. Privately, he really blamed himself, but publicly Satan, chaos and entropy were the buzzwords for all of us to listen to.

      So regretfully, God allowed people to become politicians, religious leaders, union officials and union stewards. He was fair in that these positions could be available to anyone that was competent and desired to have those positions.

Unfortunately, the people that were most motivated were usually the very energetic and supremely insecure primates.

      Generally this was because they recognized that their seed was inferior to many other primates and they knew that many female primates also recognized this. They knew they were not lazy and not really that stupid…not as stupid as the majority of the flock.

      It was just that they were not alpha primates, but they possessed many alpha drives. They knew they could assume pseudo-alpha status if they could take or become elected to positions within offices of power.

      It would be only by this avenue would they have a chance to deposit their defective seed. These pseudo-alpha primates knew that they were energetic enough to achieve their goals through various means. They used deception, false promises, and force.

      God helped to sanction and give his approval to many of these insecure primates. Once he used a burning bush, and a few stone tablets. With other insecure people he sent angels down to handed over gold leaflets that none of us common primates have ever seen. God has talked personally or sent angels down to his other chosen people, or doves and the Holy Spirit to descend upon them as a guy dressed in animal skins, was dunking them under water.

      I am just a little bit troubled however. God wouldn’t lie, but no one that I know of actually witnessed these events. Most of these sanctions of power were claimed to have occurred by these pseudo-alpha primates. To add to the confusion, admittedly not all of these people that claim God has talked to them are pseudo-primates.

      However, we are told to have faith that what they said actually did occur. So in essence most human beings take things on faith from accounts from people thousands of years ago that also took on faith what the pseudo-alpha primates of their time have told them.

      Hey, that’s good enough for me! “Baaa, baaa---”

      That was when God decided he needed to make Heaven into a corporate entity. To run his empire he allowed the different pseudo-alpha primates to create different religions. They created these different religions based both on what the newly chosen bureaucrat could fabricate and on what the local sheep were willing to buy at the time. This caused the belief systems to widely differ throughout Earth. In addition each of these religions splintered off into a variety of sects and orders. This allowed other pseudo-primates who did not start on the ground floor of original ventures to create a ground floor for their new venture.

      Now the main job of any corporation is to corner the market, to be the first of a brand, and it’s biggest overriding prime directive is to make a profit. These profits are used for a variety of purposes, to be reinvested into the sheep from where the profits are originally generated.

      The largest amount of the profits is hoarded and lavished amongst all the bureaucrats and pseudo-leaders in most of these organizations.

      Often times, corruption from Satan, Chaos, and Entropy can break down the semi-competent functioning of many of these organizations. This happens when the entrusted bureaucrats become too enslaved to their baser needs. A good example of this is the lot of priests being held up on charges of child molestation.

      The lawsuits and the settlements are really cutting into the profit margins of some of these religious organizations, and God is mad as hell! And because God is so mad, some of these pseudo-leaders and their hired legal guns have tried to file for bankruptcy, like any good corporation, trying to shirk it's responsibilities and skate on the debt it owes. They will even tell you that God is mad as hell and that He wants the courts to grant His church protection under current bankruptcy laws.

      All that I have stated is fact and people should not really get up in arms about it. They are, after all, that part of God's flock that deserves to be sheared. When I first started my journey through life, I was just such a sheep. I was worse than your totally typical sheep, in that I was not perceptive enough to see all of these wondrous machinations; I ignored the man behind the curtain. I just believed blindly.

      Let me explain, I blindly followed the tenets of the church so that I could become confirmed.

However, before a person can become confirmed, they are directed to prepare for the event by learning about Christianity and the church - and of course just like any wonderfully obedient Catholic - I jumped through all of the prescribed hoops mindlessly.