I was feeling pretty depressed since the firing and I was having problems finding work anywhere else. I applied for a dishwashing job at the Lyons restaurant. When I got to the restaurant, there was a long line of a few hundred people. A thousand people applied for the job, -- that is how bad the economy was.

      Mark Ludwig & Rock come into the gym yelling, “Hey Vinny! I looked up from the Preacher bench as I was in the middle of a set, & waited for them to tell me what they wanted to tell me.

      Rock said, “We found jobs for you, me & Mark!” I was immediately attentive.

      I asked Mark & Rock, “Where at?”

      Mark said, “There is a teen club called the Outer Limits, -- it is right outside of the city limits of Springfield.

      Rock said, “The owner is allowed to convert it into a strip club on Saturdays & Sundays.” “Saturday nights is set up for male strippers & Sunday nights for female strippers.

      I looked at Rock disbelieving, trying to erase the picture of him swaying his 280 pound body provocatively in a G-string in front of hordes of blue-haired old ladies.

      I asked, “You are going for a job as a male stripper?” Everyone in the gym men & women alike were hooting & hollering, except for Neo.

      Rock said, “No Mark got a job as a male stripper -- you & I are going to be bouncers.

      Being naïve, I said, “Bouncers, why do they need bouncers?”

      Mark said, “Because the men can get out of hand with the ladies, & you will be there to make sure to keep their hands off of the ladies & to keep the peace.” He said, “A lot of the guys are rough & tumble loggers & ranch hands?

      I said, Oh great, how much do they pay?”

      Rock said, ‘Twenty-five dollars a night” “Holy Jesus!”,

      I said. That’s peanuts for that kind of work!”, I added. I said, “Oh well, I got to eat & pay the bills, do they have a dental plan?”

      Neo & the other members of the gym got a real yuk from that”

      Neo said, “Who knows, after a year of bouncing you may not need a dental plan.”

A new guy named Dennis was a bouncer at the “Lost Dutchman Lounge”, he said, “With any luck you may not need a medical plan either.”, then he lifts up his shirt to show an ugly knife wound that started from the front of his abdomen towards the back of his kidney.”

      I cried out, “Sweet Jesus!”, “They got some rough guys that hang out in that joint.” Dennis said, “Oh that little memento was from some petite little lady I was trying to save from getting her ass kicked. He said, “It turns out that the guy that was smashing her face in had been dating her on & off, he just got out of prison for beating one of her small children, & he came hunting her down because he found out that she was dating other guys.”, “He figured that he could show her that he loved her & that it hurt him to see her with other guys by beating her up.”

      Dennis went on, Yeah, He screamed the whole time that he was smashing her face in , calling her a whore & how can you do this to me when I love you, -- weird shit like that.” Dennis said, “All I did was restrain him, nothing more & she got me with a big friggin knife she had in her purse.” Dennis said, “I was laid up for quite awhile unable to support my family & since I was taking money under the table, I couldn’t get workman’s compensation. He said, “Just remember, --always watch your back!”

      Neo said, “And your front!”

      I said to Rock & Mark, “I don’t think that twenty five dollars is worth a stabbing.”

      Mark said, “Twenty-five dollars is the minimum, - they girls always give a percentage of their tips, you can make double that at the end of the night, & believe me there are lots of other perks.” Mark gives a big smile & wink as he shared this last piece of info. 

      Rock said, “Hey, I can’t get involved with anything like that, I’m a married man.

      I said, “Yeah but I’m single, but I have one more question.”

      Mark said, “Yeah?”

      I said, “Why do they need bouncers on the night that the men are dancing, do they have both men & women watching both nights?”

      Marks said, “Nah, it’s just that a lot of women who come in to watch the men dance have very jealous husbands & boyfriends waiting outside in the parking lot to beat them up or to beat up on the male dancers, & sometimes they rush past the door to attack you and their woman.”

      Mark recruited a few other young guys to visit the owner to try out for the position of exotic dancer. Suddenly Mark looks over at Neo & says, “Hey Neo, you should try out for dancer, you would knock the older ladies dead with the way you look.”

      One of the younger girls in the gym said, ‘Not just the older ladies.”, she & her friends laugh knowingly.”

      Mark said, “Everyone knows how you like to constantly work at different jobs, ‘for the experience” “Now you have an excuse to finally show your body.”

      Everyone in the gym was thinking about that, because everyone was curious about how Neo would look in shorts & a tank top.

      Neo just smiled & said, “I don’t think that dancing & taking my clothes off in front of strange women will help me with my spiritual development.”

      This statement got more than a handful of snickers.

      Neo started to kid & said, “I’m just a romantic I hoping for a woman who is strong enough to sweep me off my feet.”

      Angela yells out, “Here I am lover!!”

      Neo laughed & said, “Aw yer just a sweet talking Shelia!”

      Rock said, “We got to go see the owner after you close the gym.”

      The three of us went over to the ‘Outer Limits” club to meet the owner. He was delighted to see Rock apply for the position or bouncer & he had already picked Mark for one of the dancers.

      He looked at me & said, “Great, you will be just what the older women want to see!”

      I said ‘Excuse me, I was only twenty six & I was wondering why older women wanted to see a bouncer my age.”

      He said, “You are applying for to be a dancer right?”

      I said, “No, I am here for one of the bouncing jobs.”

      He said, “You’re a little small for the job aren’t you?”

      I agreed that I was a small guy, but I was willing to do what it takes to be a good bouncer.’

      Rock said, “Vinny owns the new gym in town & he may not look like it by he is stronger than me & I have been teaching him how to box.”

      The owner said, “Fine, we will have him bounce the nights that the women dance, but I want him to dance on the nights that the men are on stage.”

      I said, “I don’t know anything about dancing & taking my clothes in front of an audience.” I was thinking about the Chip & Dales guys, & I knew I was not at that caliber, nor were any of the other guys waiting to audition for the positions.” I figured we would be more like Chip & Putt.

      The owner said, “Look, there is nothing to it really, you have a song that you like something upbeat, you smile at the women, show your muscles, mover your hips & make a show of taking your close off.” 

      I said, ‘I don’t know, I am not comfortable with doing that.”

      The owner said, “It pays twice as much as bouncing & the women tip very well, not to mention all of the phone numbers & presents that they will put in your G-string.”

      I said, “Double huh?”  “Okay I’m in.”

      He said, Mark will show you to get ready & perhaps help you pick out music & dance.” He said, “We are going to give you the stage name of Mr. Muscles.”

      I thought, “How corny can this get?”

      The next day I was so nervous that I decided to buy a bottle of courage, called Night Train. I thought if I could get drunk I could go through with it.

      I drank the whole bottle before I got to the club. I was so nervous that I did not get the benefit of tying on a drunk. Instead I suffered from the most horrendous headache. Nothing in my life had prepared me for what was going to happen. When I got on stage & saw that there were several hundred women. I had to go down the stage runway & on each side of the runway were long banquet tables three deep & there were several rows of these. I had to go out on to these table & dance, spin, kick & gyrated.

      In my minds eye I could see me miming Natalie Wood in the movie Gypsy singing “Let me entertain you, let me make you smile.” My headache was pounding. The women went absolutely wild & they were tearing at my clothes. I went on to one table & then I looked down to see several of the women in some of my classes at Lane Community College, one of them was a really hot young single mother by the name of Sandy Buckman, I secretly had the hots for her, & then there were the other girls that I had classes with.

      I was mortified, & they loved it. They got off on jamming money down my G-string & demanding a kiss from me. That I did not mind. I also saw Brandy, a woman who was to become my future significant other. She was the girl who took my Zoology book when I crashed & snored at her table.

      Numerous women would jump up on the stage & jump up on me grinding with their legs wrapped around my hips & their tongues halfway down my throat. While the first beautiful woman did that, I thought with mock outrage, if she doesn’t cut this out, I am going to get really mad in about twenty minutes or so.

      The first night I made a hundred dollars & a dozen phone numbers & offers for dinner & sex after work. I was pinching myself to check if I was dreaming. In a way my wildest fantasies had come true. I was like a kid in a candy store & I was given the keys to go in & glut myself whenever I wanted.

      During the next several weeks my business picked up, several of the female & male dancers had joined the gym to improve the look of their bodies for the stage. The only stage name that I remember was a guy called the Latin Lover. He was a slender good looking kid & he wanted to put some muscle on his slender frame. Some of the other male dancers wanted to put on enough muscle to look like Mark. Mark had a very Tarzanian build, --very ripped & very strong looking. Mark loved doing sit ups in front of the mirror on the incline sit up bench. He was very vain & we all joked that he was able to do so many sit ups per set because the motivation to reach the upright sitting position from the starting position so he could see his beautiful body all contracted & sculpted reflected back to him.

      That may sound like a exaggeration, but it’s not. Some of the male dancers had the frames that showed great promise of future body builders, but all of them needed a lot of work. These guys had very handsome faces but they were at the gym because many of the female fans loyal to them told them that they would look much better if their bodies could look like mine or Marks.

      To be frank I had the most average face & my body compared to Mark’s was in my opinion not as aesthetically pleasing. Sure I was a bit stocker looking & it appeared that I was even stockier than I was in comparison to Mark only because I was shorter. By comparison Mark’s body was much more defined & more sculpted looking. The reason why I was a big hit at this club was because at twenty six years of age I was the old & mature man of the group. Mark was the second oldest at twenty, & the other guys were just eighteen. Another reason I was a hit was because some of the women thought that my Philly accent sound neat, sort of like Sylvester Stallone, “Hey, yo, yo, ya know wat I mean?”

      Finally, a lot of the women were put off in some ways by the other dancers because these young guys were drunk with the power, (I was too but I knew how to handle my women!). All of the other dancers use to strut & preen about like a flock of peacocks or dandies -- women just knew that these guys thought they were gods gift to all they surveyed. I loved to hang out & chat with the women after the show regardless if I was interested in sex with them or not. I just love women!

      Both Harry & Larry liked to hang out at the club the nights that the men danced. They talked Rock into introducing them to the owner & they convince the owner that they would help out if any disgruntled boyfriends and husbands hanging around outside made a nuisance of themselves, -- free of charge. They wanted to do this because they would pick up on the overflow of horny women that were unable to hook up with a dancer, & to be honest both Harry & Larry were very handsome, young men of the world so it was double attractive for the women to take their consolation prize. Since they were both in committed relationships, (As far as their girlfriends were concerned), I hated to see them in the club scarfing up on the overflow. They would always have some story to give to their ladies. They learned long ago not to include me in any of their alibis. Their were other guys who use to be in the club besides the main bouncers, these guys were friends of the owners & they were there for the same reason as Harry & Larry.

      Rock was different, Rock was a class act, he had more women hitting on him than all of the other bouncers & hangers combined. Rock would stand there towering over the women clasping one ten inch wrist with his massive meat hook hanging on the opposite tree trunk arm & looked down at the ladies who were using a variety of methods to let him know that they wanted his seed. He would stand there smiling & more often than not his rumbling Minotaur laugh would rise up & sound as if it came from bottom of a very large rain barrel. Essentially he would graciously tell the ladies that he was flattered & that if he was not in love & committed to his woman, he would take them up on their offer of them submitting themselves to his primal passions & the acceptance of his coveted seed, (My words not his).