Mr. Smith Isn't the Only One To Go To Washington!

(The Halls Of Senate & Congress Trembled)

     Not too long after I had shared Naked Time with one of our Nation's most illustrious Congressman, I took his advice to heart and I put into play all of the techniques he convinced me was at the disposal of all Americans.

     I took the time to send every Senator and Congressperson throughout the entire United States an e-mail and a fax as to what I was suffering at the hands of the Federal Agency for which I worked. I shared with them the unnecessary deaths of a handful of my coworkers and the many other atrocities that were being committed with evil intent.

     I shared with them that this Agency was following protocols and policies that were putting the American Public at great and unnecessary risk. I told them that because of the sloppy protocols my agency followed, it made the likelihood of terrorist being able to bring our country to it's knees even greater.

     Along with these bold and clear assertions, I sent them a few internal documents from this agency to prove my allegations. Not one of these politicians were curious or interested enough about the safety of our American public to even have an aid inquire more in depth to determine how I could help them to prevent potential catastrophes.

     I made a point of telling them that I understood that if my allegations were false, I could be fired from the agency where I worked and I told them that I realized I could be facing some serious prison time for making false claims.

     Not a peep from the politicians!

    I decided to go to our Nation's capitol to take the bull by the horns. I figured that since my friends had died or have been forced out, I did not have to worry myself over an issue of them being fired unfairly. I decided that once in Washington, I would fax, e-mail every media outlet in town. I also planned that I would contact these media outlets and let them know that I was going to perform a boycott somewhere significant at our Nation's capitol. I mulled over and over if it should be the White House, the Senate, or the House of Representatives.

    My first night in Washington, I rented a car and searched for a motel that met two of my criteria. The first was close proximity to the Capitol and the second and most important was the affordability.

    The closest affordable motel was in the slums of Washington D.C. This slum was not that far from the White House. It was appalling to me that just outside the perimeter of the wealthy power center of the United States...one of the richest countries in the world was such abject filth, poverty and violence.

     As I gathered my suitcase and made my way up the stairs that lead to an outside door to the unit I rented for the night, two prostitutes were performing strafing runs in the parking lot and working hard to do business with me by employing raucous catcalls. I chose to ignore them. All I looked forward to was a hot shower, a firm bed and perhaps a little entertainment from the TV situated in view from the bed. I planned to stay in and get my sleep for preparation for the events I had planned the next day or two.

     The shower felt great and was sorely needed. The mattress felt like heaven and as I laid their enjoying my own personal private naked time....as I was dozing off, I happened to look over at the curtain blinding the window. I happened to notice a half dollar size hole in the curtain and looking through this hole was a large brown eye.

    A shard of fear stabbed me in the guts and I bolted quickly off the bed and bounded to the door to confront one of the two prostitutes that I was so certain was checking me out. I whipped the door open for the confrontations and instead of a seasoned girl of the streets I startled a small thin, but muscular black man adorned in a wife beater, chino pants and long jerri locks. He favored the actor/singer Prince. I was speechless and he managed a smile and a greeting, "Hey." I threatened him and told him to skedaddle. "Oh well, I mused, at least someone is taking an interest in me." I am always one to see the bright side of everything, (If I can).

     The next morning I ran off several hundred two page letters for each of the Senators and congressmen and women. As per my congressman's suggestion, I did not put these in sealed envelops. The anthrax contaminations made legislators very leery about the mail they receive. I was warned that sealed envelopes would have to go through radiation machines and often the mail was ruined. I wanted to meet as many legislators as I could face-to-face. I solved this problem by simply addressing and folding each letter individually; then I carried a large number of them in my back pack. I knew I would have to make two or three trips to my rent-a-car to replenish my back pack so that every legislator would get a hand delivered letter.

     Since the 9/11 tragedy, The U.S. Capitol looked like a militarized zone. Trucks coming into close proximity of many of our government buildings were halted and both mirrors on long poles and bomb detectors were used to examine the underbelly of many trucks. Dogs were patrolled about and video monitors abound. Every entrance of these buildings had metal detectors and x-ray machines to check any bags or containers that were brought on premises. You were asked what your business was within the building. I stated, just tourism.

     I zipped through the halls and offices of the Senate. I requested at each Senator's office to meet with the senator...if they had slots of time open that I could sit and chat with them. Without exception I was told that the senators were in some sort of session, or simply did not have time to meet with anyone. Yet, various times I was told such things only to have a lobbyist enter the office, give his card, state which corporation or special interest group they were with, then bark a quick mission statement. Most of the time they were escorted ahead of me to see the senator.

     For those of you who have never been to these halls of power... it is more than a little heady. It seemed as if the majority of the people walking the halls were on average a foot taller than normal citizens in any given city. It is said that tall people are more successful in politics and apparently this seems to be true. This height factor seem to apply to the lobbyists as well.

    The halls of power are abuzz with tension, excitement, expectancy, and the thrill of numerous conspiracies. The lobbyist flitted around freely, as thick as Botflies feasting on a carcass festering in the burning equatorial sun. None of this intimidated me. Despite the myriad of generic insecurities that lie within me... I have always carried with me the knowledge that I am the equal of any person. There are people smarter, stronger, more educated, better looking or all of the above, nevertheless, I expect the respect and consideration due to most humans.

    I am the kind of person that could comfortably approach anyone, and say "Yo, how's it hanging?" I feel so comfortable with this attitude, I even expect a person to return with information as to if it hangs to the left or right, or the degree of pain or pleasure the hanging is causing them.

    Arrogant you say? Perhaps. But how else should I be?

    After dropping letters off to over two thirds of the Senate I started to get a few anonymous phone calls asking for more detailed information of what I was up to. They all promised to look into my situation. Even Orin Hatch's office called promising the same.

    I continued my task until I had canvassed the entire Senate. I received a few calls from some of the local media and I gave them the contact numbers to my Federal Agency and I mentioned that I may pull a public boycott. Finally, I went to replenish my letter supply and instead of hiding them in my back pack, I had them in a box all folded. The Capitol police at the House of Representatives stopped me cold.

     One of them looked at me with hooded suspicious eyes. "Ah, you're the guy who has been canvassing the Senate. We've been getting calls from there warning us that you would likely come here next."

     "Yeah, so?" I struggled to stay calm and polite.

     "You're not allowed to distribute letters throughout the Senate and House", the Capitol Policeman barked.

     "Really, I was under the impression that it was my right to correspond with any of my legislators."

     "Just the legislators from your state."

     "I thought that it is my right as a citizen to correspond with any legislator. I was not aware that I was breaking any laws."

    Impatiently the policeman said, "It's not against the law, but it is against the capitol's policy."

    "Really, I was not aware that policies superseded federal laws or rights."

     Both of the Capitol policeman were getting edgy...their tones became terse. "If you want to correspond with all of the legislators...it has to be a federal issue and you have to mail the letters through normal procedures... we are after all worried about anthrax."

     I started name dropping. "That is why my congressman advised me to keep the letters out of envelopes so that they are easily inspected by you and he also mentioned that this would insure that the letters got to everyone safely without danger of the letters being ruined by the radiation machines."

    The one police officer almost yelled, "You need to drop them here and then our mail room will distribute them!"

    The other chimed in, "You just can't wander the halls indiscriminately wandering into the legislators offices!"

    "You don't seem to have a problem with the lobbyist doing that, or the tourists, as I made a sweeping gesture.

    "My congressman told me that I was allowed and actually suggested that I go into each office to meet with the legislators or make an appointment. I have done just that."

     "The bad cop asked, "Who is your congressman?"

     I told them and invited them to call his office to check on my story."

     They refused to check. Finally they said, "Were not going to let you bring those letter in here. If you want to leave them with us, we will let you in."

     I decided to recoup and try the next day.

     Early the following day, I went in another entrance and this time I made the effort to take all of the envelopes out of the box and cram them all into my back pack. I was allowed through and I managed to deliver the letters to almost three quarters of the House of Representatives before three capitol policemen approached me with a look of grim determination.

    "Holy shit!, I thought. Three policemen!

     Evidently, the Senators and congressmen and congresswomen had alerted the police. Perhaps they were forewarned that I was a man that could very likely try and have naked time with them. Something they wanted desperately to avoid (At least publicly).

     I was pulled off the floor and they demanded my back pack and my identification. I was left with two of our nation's finest as the third took my I.D. to run a check on me. He came back, a look of wariness clouded his face. Perhaps he was told that in my own way... I was armed and dangerous. They made it clear that I would have to leave and that if I continue to try and canvass my letters I would be arrested.

    I sat there not saying a word for at least five minutes as they looked at each other, then at me and then at each other wondering what the mute nut case was going to decide. I seriously considered forcing them to arrest me...but I had visions of Guantanamo (GITMO) in my mind and I realized I had not documented nor did I coordinate my intentions with anyone except for my legislator. I was afraid that my arrest would prove fruitless. This was why I chose not to boycott on the capitol steps.

    I swore I would bide my time for a later date. My trip to Washington did not encourage any of the legislators to inquire about the dangerous protocols of the agency I worked for...despite the internal documents that I had previously sent them. Nor did the distribution of these documents to our Nation's legislators cause the agency I worked for to change it's policies in dealing with dangerous bio-hazards.

    The administrators however, started to use kid's gloves when they dealt with me. I often caught them looking at me askance. I was now more than ever a loose cannon and to be avoided at all cost. They prayed I would take the early retirement that was being offered to all employees with twenty-five or more years service.

     It is from this experience that I fine-tuned my approach to fighting government evil.

This Story was a continuation from:

What Do You Say to A Naked Congressman? 

(Inspiration in the locker room)

CLICK HERE to see the Letter that I am sending all of the 2008 Presidential Candidates to ask them how I can send money to the troops.

If you are interested in reading some of my experiences in life that compels me to help alleviate poverty and hunger then CLICK HERE>

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