Sex Education, How Did I Miss That?

      This was the year that I was going to finally find out about the facts of life.

Up until seventh grade I was ignorant of the mechanics concerning procreation.

      Whenever I tell anyone the strange circumstances of my lack of sexual knowledge, invariably I would hear, “Oh my God… no shit? How is it that you had no knowledge of procreation?”

      Other people would say, “With all your knowledge, from books and from observing animals in the wilds, how in God’s name did this not occur to you?”

      Admittedly, my situation was strange as well as unenviable. However, I think I can explain.

Yes, I did read a lot of the books, and many of them were at the adult level. However, none of the books I read actually discussed sexual mechanics. These books merely mention the need for males and females to get together as mates. When I went to Catholic school I read through the bible and in the bible I never read anything dealing with sexual mechanics.

      The bible never discussed penile erections, penetration, ejaculation, ovulation or any of stuff. Also, the Bible emphasized the miraculous creationism type of an attitude; explaining how the first woman was created by a man’s rib, then on to virgin birth, and man coming from dust, that sort of thing. When I read the part of “The man and the woman layed naked with each other and felt no shame”; I did not know this had anything to do with anything, aside the fact of them sharing naked time, which of course was a sin.

      I didn’t understand the mechanism of animal procreation, even farm animals. I only understood a few things.

For instances, I understood that my Uncle VD would have to pair a boar with a sow if you wanted piglets, but the actual mechanics of procreation between the boar and sows, by an odd toss of chance was always done out of my line of vision.

      Generally, most people learn about the sexual mechanics of procreation from their parents, their siblings or their friends. I had none of those advantages. My father was never around to have those father and son talks, and I think my mother did not believe it would be necessary for years to have me know anything about sex.

      My mother preoccupied with working two jobs may have been the reason that kept her out of touch with the reality of a son maturing early. My brother and sister actually found out about sex from my cousins and they asked my mother about what they had been told to verify the facts. My mother was pretty pissed that my cousins shared that knowledge with my brother and sister. She thought they were too young to know about that kind of stuff.

      My mother made both my sister and brother swear upon the pain of extreme punishment that they would never share the secret of carnal knowledge to me. She was just as adamant with my cousins. I think my mother still hoped that I would become a Priest.

      As I said, friends are also another source of learning about sex. Until Ninth grade, that source was not available to me. So there I was, twelve years old and my “member”, my “conjoined twin”, thumping my belly for attention. The attentions it demanded made my life feel sinful.

      I felt this way because of the combination of both the premature biological drives that burned within my body, and the lingering affects of shame installed by the Catholic church. The mechanism of shame instilled within me the belief that I should make every conscious effort – to not touch myself – and certainly not to think of women when my urges overpowered me.

      I believe that it is because of these religious mandates that make it impossible to wipe those pesky thoughts from our mind. Not just impossible, but actually create an internal environment where we focus much more on those thoughts images, thereby often creating sexual addiction.

      For example, if I order you not to think of an elephant, your mind will immediately see the image of an elephant. If somehow I installed in your psyche that not only should you not touch your genitals, because it is sinful; You will be more likely to think about how sinful it is to touch your genitals, thereby, bringing to your attention the needs of your sex organs.

      In addition, if I also install, that you must never ever think of elephants and spank your monkey at the same time, this will pretty much insure that images of elephants will burn in your mind’s eye as while you spank your monkey.

      Ha, ha! Do you see what I just did? The evil part of me installed in your mind that whenever you masturbate or make love to your significant other, you are going to have pesky persistent images of elephants in your mind.

      Some of you may even take it to the next level on your own by visualizing the elephants in provocative lingerie that you have seen in a Victoria’s Secret catalogue.

(Or instead of your mind doing this on it’s own, did I just use my Jedi mind powers to install yet another deviant fetish in your open unprotected mind?) I bet some of you may ever become a hazard at your local zoo.

      One word of advice, install a decent firewall into your consciousness.