The Things That Drive Us

      All in all, even though I did not enjoy my classes, things were not that bad. I remember and learned more from my personal readings than from my schoolwork. I think my inability to learn wasn’t just because of the stress in my life it was also the result of my new found sexual drives. All I could think of was holding and kissing girls and this excited me sexually. What I’m about to say, may sound silly, but I happen to be in the very unusual and unenviable position of not having any idea of what was happening with my body.

      By some fluke, I had not learned about the facts of life prior to my newly acquired obsession with my penis. Although I had hundreds of opportunities to watched mating rituals of the reptiles and amphibians in North Carolina actually doing it; I did not connect these mating rituals with the changes happening to my body.

      Nor was I totally ignorant to the physical differences between boys and girls.

      As I have previously mentioned, I had seen some of those differences when I was a kid. I even mentioned to my mother that I notice those oddities; but I never thought to ask the obvious questions as to why mom or Lynn didn’t have a pee-pee when James, my dad and I had one. I knew women had breast to nurse children, just like mammals had teats to nurse their young. I knew that males had to be with females for there to be babies.

      I knew that men and women kissed, I thought it only a gesture of affection with appropriate people. I knew that women often kissed each other on the cheeks, Men kiss their kids and their sisters, or mothers on the cheeks or very quick and proper barely touching the lips. I knew that boys who are not related don’t kiss each other at all, unless they are French or some other Mediterranean group. I knew that married people, as well as boyfriends and their girlfriends might often kiss directly on the mouth for prolonged periods, if they think no one is looking.

      All I knew for certain was that I was experiencing fierce drives; drives that called on me to pay a lot more attention to my ‘unit’ more than I had for the previous twelve years of my life. My ‘unit’ call to me to touch it and to play with it ad nauseam, perhaps I should say ad blissfulness. My ‘unit’ does not care about anyone’s political affiliations, religious backgrounds, or educational level, nor does it care if I was prepared with all knowledge concerning the facts of life, i.e. the mechanisms and nature’s intent for my unit’s part in procreation.

      I can only guess at the reasons as to why I felt the need to fantasize, or the reason why my ‘member’s’ pleasure was increased when thinking about the girls that lived in my complex, or by thinking of the mature women on the covers of my mother’s magazines that laid all over the apartment.

      Now my ‘member’ had the opportunity of added stimulation by my new founded exposure to a population of beautiful young and physically mature girls at the junior high school I was now enrolled at. I found these mature ninth graders to be attractive and thought of them often.

      Compared to the other boys in my grade, I was not very big, or even handsome, and I was not popular or a known athlete. I was barely five foot in height, and I weighed slightly over a hundred pounds. I had however, started shaving the year before and I had already started to develop other secondary sexual characteristics.

      Despite all of my shortcomings, for some reason, I was starting to get favorable attention from some of the girls especially the older girls would flirt with me.

They always got a big kick getting me to blush.